Aunt Sally lived in a house that didn’t have modern plumbing until the 1960s. It had a wood stove for heating and clothes lines for drying. In the yard, there was a quaint porch swing that hung from its own wooden structure, with a small shingled roof over it. Porch Swing a mammoth piece of … More Porch Swing
I was at the thrift store buying up junk to flip on eBay when I encountered the ghost in the form of a Giant Filthy Busted Ninja Turtle (from here abbreviated as GFBNT). More specifically, it was a three-foot tall, Ace Novelty 1989 plush Ninja Turtle that could wear a size four children’s pants in … More I Am Documenting Giant Filthy Busted Ninja Turtle. For You.
I’m not friends with any of these people, but suddenly I want to gather them all in the same room for the purpose of conducting a perverse psychological experiment on my own brain. In the last twenty-four hours, I’ve gone from “I couldn’t care less about high school” to I want to help organize the … More The Grand Illusion
This weekend we had people over, and because I am an extreme introvert, I hyped myself up warming up in b-ball shorts and a hoodie, wearing my Beats headphones shadow boxing to Barbra Steisand singing People from Funny Girl. I am a human Transformer. I can switch my insides outside and become Extroverted Exoskeleton. If … More Extroverted Exoskeleton
Up until just this very moment, I’ve avoided talking about Toys R Us going out of business. It hurts. We live near a huge Toys R Us/Babies R Us behemoth of a store. In the early days when we first had our baby son, I would just go there out of a sense of purpose, … More You Guys, I Bought That Derp Donut Thing