A Story About My Wife Getting Accosted in the Dog Food Aisle

Last week, while grocery shopping, my wife was accosted by a Blue Buffalo representative in the dog food aisle. Maybe it was the long day, the first week of back to school, or that thin, surreal peace of after the kids finally go to sleep -- but the story cracked me up. I begged her … Continue reading A Story About My Wife Getting Accosted in the Dog Food Aisle

Please Look at $100 Worth of Sexual Cooler Gear

I need to take a break from writing real writing, and I just want to update my blog and spend no more than .0001 seconds crafting each word or sentence. JUST LOOK. AT MY. COOLER. It's so beautiful, it's almost sexual. My wife gave me this cooler to celebrate Father's Day. It was between this … Continue reading Please Look at $100 Worth of Sexual Cooler Gear

Took the Kids to a Horse Park

Took the kids to a horse park. It's my happy place of a horse park, and I didn't know a horse park could be among my happy places. Having kids makes you have strange happy places. Former happy places become inaccessible, impossible to reach. They become sealed off tombs to be one day discovered by … Continue reading Took the Kids to a Horse Park

List: What Comes With the Wendy’s $5 Biggie Bag?

Burger, fries, nuggets, feral cat Diet soda because you're watching your figure, and there's like eight thousand calories in a cat. You figure a pound of bone, six pounds of hanging weight, at around 1329 kcal per lb Just kidding, keeping the cat as a pet, his name is Mr. Snugglemuffins The echoing voices of … Continue reading List: What Comes With the Wendy’s $5 Biggie Bag?

Thrift Store Monday #005: A Fine Specimen

This week, I cleared space on my deck. I took measurements for my hot tub. Not because I'm remotely anywhere close to buying it. It was a desperately sad little act I wanted to participate in, otherwise known as "dreaming." I spent the better part of a day researching what would fit and what wouldn't … Continue reading Thrift Store Monday #005: A Fine Specimen