A Reckoning with McDonald’s 40th Anniversary Happy Meal Toys

There is a popular writer on Twitter who is saccharinely adorable in her tweets. She is always struggling with the same things that toddlers do, like unzipping coats and keeping cereal in the bowl. Yesterday, she posted another one of her twee updates to her hundreds of thousands adoring followers about how quirky she is. … Continue reading A Reckoning with McDonald’s 40th Anniversary Happy Meal Toys

The Creative Process of Making a UFO: A Halloween Post

My son is in the big leagues of elemetary school this year, which means I'm in the big leagues of PTA events. And nothing is bigger than the PTA Trunk or Treat. It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer. I want to clarify a misconception about Trunk or Treats. Some people think that it's a replacement … Continue reading The Creative Process of Making a UFO: A Halloween Post

A Story About My Wife Getting Accosted in the Dog Food Aisle

Last week, while grocery shopping, my wife was accosted by a Blue Buffalo representative in the dog food aisle. Maybe it was the long day, the first week of back to school, or that thin, surreal peace of after the kids finally go to sleep -- but the story cracked me up. I begged her … Continue reading A Story About My Wife Getting Accosted in the Dog Food Aisle

Please Look at $100 Worth of Sexual Cooler Gear

I need to take a break from writing real writing, and I just want to update my blog and spend no more than .0001 seconds crafting each word or sentence. JUST LOOK. AT MY. COOLER. It's so beautiful, it's almost sexual. My wife gave me this cooler to celebrate Father's Day. It was between this … Continue reading Please Look at $100 Worth of Sexual Cooler Gear

Took the Kids to a Horse Park

Took the kids to a horse park. It's my happy place of a horse park, and I didn't know a horse park could be among my happy places. Having kids makes you have strange happy places. Former happy places become inaccessible, impossible to reach. They become sealed off tombs to be one day discovered by … Continue reading Took the Kids to a Horse Park