There is a popular writer on Twitter who is saccharinely adorable in her tweets. She is always struggling with the same things that toddlers do, like unzipping coats and keeping cereal in the bowl. Yesterday, she posted another one of her twee updates to her hundreds of thousands adoring followers about how quirky she is. … More A Reckoning with McDonald’s 40th Anniversary Happy Meal Toys
God that sentence feels good. It also feels fake and stupid. Some of you have been reading this blog for a large chunk of your life. God, just fucking thank you for being here. The Surfing Pizza, your friendly neighborhood blogger who writes about how Nintendo and Teddy Ruxpin made them warped as a kid, … More My Debut Collection of Essays is Forthcoming.
My son is in the big leagues of elemetary school this year, which means I’m in the big leagues of PTA events. And nothing is bigger than the PTA Trunk or Treat. It’s the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer. I want to clarify a misconception about Trunk or Treats. Some people think that it’s a replacement … More The Creative Process of Making a UFO: A Halloween Post
You might recall I set out to flip thousands of dollars worth of thrift store items on eBay. The goal: buy a bitchin’ hot tub. Well, I got bored. Antsy. ADHD. Then I got a bonus at work. My brain began searching for other income streams. When my grandmother died almost twenty years ago, she … More In Which I Buy a Hot Tub, Eagerly Await Its Glorious Arrival. And The Universe Says Nah.
Last week, while grocery shopping, my wife was accosted by a Blue Buffalo representative in the dog food aisle. Maybe it was the long day, the first week of back to school, or that thin, surreal peace of after the kids finally go to sleep — but the story cracked me up. I begged her … More A Story About My Wife Getting Accosted in the Dog Food Aisle