I’m still here. We’re doing great. We have 66 days to go, or more, or less, depending on how much you want to scare us. The wife is big, stunning, gorgeous. Actually, all of the above. I’ve been productive. I painted the nursery. I built the crib. I finally tackled the mold growing on the … More Life, Turtles, The Snot Sucker
The nightmare started when the toilet overflowed. In fact, that’s how every nightmare starts. I’m going to make a horror movie. Instead of creaking floorboards or strange noises at the window, the protagonist will first be alarmed when all they hear is the toilet still running. It’s still running. Longer than usual. Why could that … More Plumbing 101 / Painting 101
After a teeny-tiny scare in which everything is completely okay, the doctor advised the wife to take it easy over the weekend. No lifting, no exercise, no vigorous activity. She took it literally. I took it to mean NO MOVEMENT WHATSOEVER FOR THE REST OF THE DURATION OF THIS PREGNANCY. She wasn’t having it. Okay, … More Cooking with the Surfing Pizza: Drop Biscuits and Eggs
So this thing, uh, happened. The wife is pregnant. Baby pizza is due in July. We’re both excited and terrified. Well, the wife just wants a churro—no, a soft pretzel—no, pancakes. LIKE RIGHT NOW. And I’m enjoying laughing at her random cravings, although it’s really more of a nervous laughter. We started the journey over … More Untitled. Or, a Work in Progress.
Life is going. I’m sad. I’m okay. This forty-five dollar purchase from Wal-Mart encapsulates my life right now: two pairs of sweatpants, an inflatable raccoon, two cans of Pringles, waffles, and milk. This is the most Wal-Mart purchase at Wal-Mart, ever. At least for me. It’s some kind of personal record. I’ve discovered wearing sweatpants … More The Most Wal-Mart Purchase at Wal-Mart