The Petite Pink Bitchin Kitchen

Last night my wife and I built a kitchen playset for our daughter. I called it the Petite Pink Bitchin' Kitchen. It's a hearty thing made of pressed plywood and cancer warnings -- the kind of cancer you can only get in California. I think. It'll off-gas. With little pots and plastic burners, its the … Continue reading The Petite Pink Bitchin Kitchen

A Reckoning with McDonald’s 40th Anniversary Happy Meal Toys

There is a popular writer on Twitter who is saccharinely adorable in her tweets. She is always struggling with the same things that toddlers do, like unzipping coats and keeping cereal in the bowl. Yesterday, she posted another one of her twee updates to her hundreds of thousands adoring followers about how quirky she is. … Continue reading A Reckoning with McDonald’s 40th Anniversary Happy Meal Toys

Halloween Hangover

On Halloween, I put a bowl of candy out for the earlybirds while it was still daylight. A couple of the pregaming neigborhood kids came sniffing around like they wanted to say hi to my kids and show off their costumes. Of course, they were really sniffing for some tailgater candy, which is like "free" … Continue reading Halloween Hangover

The Creative Process of Making a UFO: A Halloween Post

My son is in the big leagues of elemetary school this year, which means I'm in the big leagues of PTA events. And nothing is bigger than the PTA Trunk or Treat. It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer. I want to clarify a misconception about Trunk or Treats. Some people think that it's a replacement … Continue reading The Creative Process of Making a UFO: A Halloween Post

A Story About My Wife Getting Accosted in the Dog Food Aisle

Last week, while grocery shopping, my wife was accosted by a Blue Buffalo representative in the dog food aisle. Maybe it was the long day, the first week of back to school, or that thin, surreal peace of after the kids finally go to sleep -- but the story cracked me up. I begged her … Continue reading A Story About My Wife Getting Accosted in the Dog Food Aisle