Thrift Store Monday #004: The Dregs

I sold a couple small items throughout the week and now have fifty dollars in my account. Positivity. Hard work. Hustle. I could be a goddamn motivational speaker.

The dog had a $268 vet bill. She’s been having accidents in the house. She’s either anxious from not having a fenced-in yard at our new home, or I’m denying her the sweet relief of a simple antibiotic for an infection. Since dogs can’t talk, an expensive blood/urine panel will do just the trick. Could also be Cushing’s disease, diabetes, or a dark intertwining forest of possibilities that the veterinarian invites me to step into with her. Every square you land on is another expensive test. This isn’t a nightmare, it’s the real-life version of Candy Land.

Inspections on our old home came back. The buyers of our old house want the electric panel to be safe and not burn their new home down. It never threatened to burn down our house at any other point in the last decade, but it seemed like a fair request to bring it up to code. There was hair in the drains. They wanted a licensed plumber — and not me — to remove it for $125. I suppose all of this is better than the inspector discovering a structurally unsound foundation from that time the mouth of hell tried to swallow us, so I just need to find my Zen place as I hand my credit card over to every human being on planet earth.

Verizon double-charged my account and overdrew it. Fuck me for saving $10 a month by enrolling in autopay, right? When I call to try to get it corrected, the hold time is one hour. Everytime I think I’m going to commit, I crack at six minutes and hang up. I have so much bullshit to do.

It’s my son’s fifth birthday this week, and since a decoration-less, cake-less, gift-less party would make everyone feel like killing themselves, I’ll give Target a cut of the money of I’m handing out.

Wow, it looks like I have -$1043 towards my hot tub. Can’t wait for the next eBay buyer to complain that I didn’t leave positive feedback first, extorting me by leaving negative feedback. Who then writes me a long email lecturing on the finer points of “good business,” making me go through a formal process of requesting feedback change — only after I leave them feedback worshiping them at their altar. 1) It’s depressing this is your hobby, 2) you’re on my Arya Stark kill list, 3) GREAT BUYER A+++++ EXCELLENT COMMUNICATION.

All this so I can keep my account in good standing, my only source of side income and probably Christmas funds. By the way, if the dog is having depression, the fence installed is $2850. Since I wrote this earlier, I got the results back and it’s a UTI. The antibiotic is another $50! This is the dregs of life.

I found a plush Pterodactyl from the Jim Henson/PBS show Dinosaur Train. It was three bucks at Goodwill. Someone bought one on eBay for $49.99. I have no idea why, except they were probably having their own fit of the dregs, and maybe they needed the perfect gift for their kid’s birthday. I think I’ll cut the next person a break and list it for $35.00.

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