I sell stuff on eBay, so thrifting is like playing scratch-off tickets with better odds. The three biggest hits I’ve ever found each valued around $400. That’s my high-water mark, and I hope to beat it during of my new weekly series, #ThriftStoreMonday. However, issue TSM-001 is going to have humble beginnings, as I’ve only brought home a coffee mug with some hugging cats, and some garbage Star Trek toys from 1996.
Ten of you are screaming Noooooooooooooo into your screens that I fell for the illusion that Star Trek toys might be worth anything. I can explain. It was 8:50pm, and the was store closing in ten minutes. The employees announced “bring your final selections up the register” in a voice that dripped blood from the intercom. The music was turned off so you knew they weren’t fucking around. It was do or die to see if random junky Star Trek toys were worth anything. It was two bucks for both, so I jumped.
As a rule of thumb, the answer is no. Random junky Star Trek toys are just that. But these were non-figurines. One was some type of gun, and the other was a wrist communicator. With toys, the periphials are sometimes rare.
After research at home, the gun is a Klingon Disruptor, and it’s not worth anything. The wrist communicator is also not worth anything. I hate myself and I want to die. Some of the 1996 Playmates toys are worth $30-50 loose. These are not them. But for two bucks, whatever. I’ll list them on eBay for $10 as a lot, and someone might bite.
Coffee mugs are my other sucker buy. I always think I’m gonna find one worth $60. This random M&M mug was seducing me. Maybe this one was like the M&M mug someone bought on eBay for $24.99. Meanwhile, every reasonable human being got stuck back at the second sentence, like whhhaaaa there’s mugs worth $60!?
Look, I’m just saying I’m a dreamer and I’m not the only one — but yes, there are crazed coffee mug collectors out there that will pay HUNDREDS for a single coffee mug. I have not hit this jackpot, and that’s why I’m still freebasing M&M mugs. That is — until today, when I found a CATZILLA.
It took me twenty minutes for me to convince my wife that Catzilla wasn’t something I was making up just to dick with her.
“It’s a Catzilla mug.”
“Is that something you’re making up?”
“No, it’s Catzilla, it’s collectible in the world of cat people.”
“I don’t understand a word coming out of your mouth.”
“Cat Collectors. Catzilla. Catzilla, Cat Collectors.”
I’m going to be a fucking millionaire. It’s one of those generic cat things you find at TJ Maxx and Pier One, but whatever, your mom loves that shit, and she’s ON TOP of the latest trends in ceramic frogs and cat mugs. Everyone knows Catzilla is the bomb.
Okay, I might be dicking around now.
Some Catzilla mugs sell for $25-30, but Jesus Christ, this one only sells for $12-14, even though it’s clearly the goddamn best one. LOOK AT IT, THEY’RE HUGGING.
So while in my mind, I had flipped $4 into $60 tonight, in reality, it was more like $4 into $22 if I’m lucky, while it sits infirmly in my ebay death pile for a year. Just for fun, I’ll keep everyone up to date in this series when I finally sell the feature item. Meanwhile, I’ll still be over here with withdraw twitches over that M&M mug.