We’re having a second kid at some point IN THE NEXT TWELVE DAYS. It’s been an intense winter of one parent being sick every weekend (thanks kid #1 newly-adjusted to preschool), cleaning out our “hoarder room/spare bedroom” to make it a child’s bedroom, and just generally trying to survive life with a nearly three-year-old boy and pregnant wife. As such, I’ve been in a hibernation from writing. But there is one thing that can pull me out of my hibernation.
A CRAIGSLIST AD FOR SEVEN TRASHBAGS OF ALF DOLLS.
As an old friend messaged me yesterday, “With everything going on right now, I thought maybe a craigslist lot of stuffed Alfs could make it onto your priority list.”
Tempting. An entire documentary could be made about me contacting this person, going to their house, loading seven trashbags of Alf dolls into my trunk, and coming home to my wife who is about to give birth literally any minute. I would seriously win every prize on the indie film circuit.
Like I said. Tempting. Instead, we’ll all just have to settle for a short deconstruction of everything PERFECT about this ad.
- (Pictured are about 2 bags worth.)
- There’s about 25 ALFs shown, so there’s likely a rough estimate of 90 ALFs total. At $80 for the lot, it’s about .88 cents per ALF. This lot is PRICED TO MOVE.
- “Would be great for claw machines,homeless children, or daycare’s at naptime to cuddle with.”
- Part of the documentary would be about me attempting to make this person’s final wishes for their ALF collection come true. I could go around handing out the ALFs to homeless kids in the city like some sort of ALF Mother Theresa.
- “a bit so a small shot of Fabreeze would freshen them right up.”
- Would it?
- According to the internet the best way to clean plush dolls is clean them with a dish soap/water solution. Gently rub the entire surface of the toy with a rag soaked in the solution. Next, gently rinse the solution off the toy with warm water and pat dry. Or just set the whole pile on fire.
- The couch! The wallpaper! The carpet!
- If you’re interested, here’s the direct link to contact: https://baltimore.craigslist.org/tag/6052239808.html