A Short Review of the Zoo


I can’t figure why people take pictures of the animals at the zoo, but here I am, doing it. It’s a bloodsport competing for the best spot to snap a picture. Here’s a grainy zoomed-in picture of an elephant’s butt, taken from from Elephant Yard Overlook A. I’m sure future great-grandchildren of mine flipping through the family heirloom photo album will honor this picture most of all. Your welcome.

Going to the zoo with a two-year-old isn’t exactly a relaxing stroll. It’s more like a struggle to walk forty feet while the child alternates between melting down and pointing out every water/sewer pipe lid. Then you make it to the panda, consider murdering every fucker blocking your kid’s view, and spend 10 dollars on the kid’s lunch that comes with only two chicken nuggets. Not that it matters — he will throw 75% of the chicken on the ground. A bird roughly the size of the nugget will swoop in and fly off with it, and that will be the closest to wild life that you get. The kid will pass out, you eat a slightly stale soft pretzel that still tastes amazing because it was eaten in silence, and you make it to the kids farm. The cow moos at your kid, your kid moos back. It’s beautiful and zen and makes whatever was previously endured worth it.

That, and the picture of the elephant butt. So worth it.

8 thoughts on “A Short Review of the Zoo

  1. Sincere question from someone who has worked at a zoo but never had children: I have observed that two year olds are usually more excited by the sparrows on the ground than the panda in the exhibit. Which makes perfect sense because A, they are closer and easier to see, and B, a two year old has no idea that a panda is rarer than a sparrow. So why do people bring two year olds to the zoo, when it’s obviously a really big production compared to staying home and looking at sparrows? Is it, as I suspect, because actually the adults are the ones who want to see the panda and it would seem totally weird to hire a babysitter so you can go to the zoo?

    1. That’s true for younger, but by two they do start understanding some things are better than others, some things are more fun, some things taste better, etc. Planes are way more exciting than cars and pandas are way more exciting than birds. It’s also why this age is a nightmare. Last year when we took him places, it was for us to have fun. This year it’s for him to have fun,

  2. Yeah zoos are fun for adults. We live right by the san diego zoo and got married there. We have no kids and there were no kids at the wedding, but everyone had a great time. But I think it’s good for kids to get exposed to the animals at the zoo. They learn about them and are more likely to want to work to protect them when they’ve seen them in person.

  3. Mental note: move back to US. Open up a “kids zoo.” Buy nothing but stale bread and peanuts. Sit back and watch as the millions roll in as kids flock from all around to see the pigeons and squirrels.

  4. I hate to be “that guy”, but you used the wrong “your”.

    Enjoying stuff like this, makes me think of the way my folks enjoyed taking me to the zoo and watching my reactions (remember when you could still ride some animals? I guess it’s OK they don’t chain them up to those turnstiles anymore, but how else would I know what it’s like to ride a camel?) and how we still enjoy doing the same thing with our kids on down for who knows how long we’ll still have things like zoos, or themeparks, ball games, museums, or circuses to share with kids.

    Having said that, the zoo’s a great place to go for a walk or people watching too, when you don’t have the kids in tow.

  5. Taking the two year old o the zoo is nothing compared with the zoo he will bring home as a teenager.

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