I can’t figure why people take pictures of the animals at the zoo, but here I am, doing it. It’s a bloodsport competing for the best spot to snap a picture. Here’s a grainy zoomed-in picture of an elephant’s butt, taken from from Elephant Yard Overlook A. I’m sure future great-grandchildren of mine flipping through the family heirloom photo album will honor this picture most of all. Your welcome.
Going to the zoo with a two-year-old isn’t exactly a relaxing stroll. It’s more like a struggle to walk forty feet while the child alternates between melting down and pointing out every water/sewer pipe lid. Then you make it to the panda, consider murdering every fucker blocking your kid’s view, and spend 10 dollars on the kid’s lunch that comes with only two chicken nuggets. Not that it matters — he will throw 75% of the chicken on the ground. A bird roughly the size of the nugget will swoop in and fly off with it, and that will be the closest to wild life that you get. The kid will pass out, you eat a slightly stale soft pretzel that still tastes amazing because it was eaten in silence, and you make it to the kids farm. The cow moos at your kid, your kid moos back. It’s beautiful and zen and makes whatever was previously endured worth it.
That, and the picture of the elephant butt. So worth it.