That Time I Almost Bought 3L of Snowball Syrup


The other day at the “weird” grocery store (a private non-chain, the sort of stores that are treasure troves of odd items), they were selling snowball syrup! It’s a niche item that only three people in a twenty-mile radius need (the three owners of the three snowball stands.) And yet, for a moment, I NEEDED THIS.

Obligatory note in case you don’t know what the hell a snowball is: it’s a regional variation on a snow cone.

Thoughts that went through my head:

  • Whoa.
  • Snowball syrup for real?
  • I need this.
  • Like, we’d save so much money on snowballs
  • (It hasn’t yet occurred to me that I only eat one or two snowballs a year.)
  • I’d have to get a ice crusher.
  • I could get the Snoopy Snowball Maker
  • That shit never worked.
  • I could get it though.
  • Remember the soul crushing disappointment in childhood over that shit?
  • Okay, okay.
  • I could look up the price on industrial machines.
  • Alright, so $6 for the syrup, plus I’m going to need to spend another $3 to get the pump handle. And it looks like I could get a stainless steel ice crusher online for $50.
  • (Suddenly it occurs to me that would take around 25 years for me to break even at the rate of one snowball per year.)

For the record, I would have chosen the Egg Custard flavor. Maybe I could open my own snowball stand and then write a a gripping first-hand account from the front lines. In some ways that’s the best idea ever.

13 thoughts on “That Time I Almost Bought 3L of Snowball Syrup

    1. The Pizza says:

      Yeah, I’m pretty sure all of Baltimore didn’t realize that snowballs were regional/local until the last couple years. I was shocked to find out they weren’t everywhere. It’s sort of like a snow cone, but different texture ice

  1. shenanitim says:

    Wait, you didn’t buy it?

    You might only make a couple of snowballs per year, but imagine eating ice cream covered in Cotton Candy syrup! Or Egg Custard syrup.

  2. Shannon F. Olivas says:

    soCal native, never heard of “snowballs” but snowcones are great.Three liters of syrup might be a bit much for the home enthusiast though…

    I dunno if I’d get the syrup without an ice shaver, but I think every home should have an ice shaver.

  3. Jason says:

    I live in San Diego (well, north of the city, but close enough). A store opened up near me called “Baltimore Snowballs.”
    I had never heard of a snowball before, but I assumed they were like snow cones. They had a big sign assuring everyone that that they are not the same as snow cones. I haven’t been there yet, but I drive by the spot every day. I’ll have to look and see if they are still there. For some reason, I think they closed down.

  4. Todd M. Anthony says:

    No need to waste a ton of money: Treat yourself to the syrup but skip the frozen ice part all together. Just buy a pack of syringes (10 pack is $6.89 on Amazon Prime) and you’re good. Nothing says “inject-able” like high fructose corn syrup. Enjoy!

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