That Time I Almost Bought 3L of Snowball Syrup


The other day at the “weird” grocery store (a private non-chain, the sort of stores that are treasure troves of odd items), they were selling snowball syrup! It’s a niche item that only three people in a twenty-mile radius need (the three owners of the three snowball stands.) And yet, for a moment, I NEEDED THIS.

Obligatory note in case you don’t know what the hell a snowball is: it’s a regional variation on a snow cone.

Thoughts that went through my head:

  • Whoa.
  • Snowball syrup for real?
  • I need this.
  • Like, we’d save so much money on snowballs
  • (It hasn’t yet occurred to me that I only eat one or two snowballs a year.)
  • I’d have to get a ice crusher.
  • I could get the Snoopy Snowball Maker
  • That shit never worked.
  • I could get it though.
  • Remember the soul crushing disappointment in childhood over that shit?
  • Okay, okay.
  • I could look up the price on industrial machines.
  • Alright, so $6 for the syrup, plus I’m going to need to spend another $3 to get the pump handle. And it looks like I could get a stainless steel ice crusher online for $50.
  • (Suddenly it occurs to me that would take around 25 years for me to break even at the rate of one snowball per year.)

For the record, I would have chosen the Egg Custard flavor. Maybe I could open my own snowball stand and then write a a gripping first-hand account from the front lines. In some ways that’s the best idea ever.

13 thoughts on “That Time I Almost Bought 3L of Snowball Syrup

    1. Yeah, I’m pretty sure all of Baltimore didn’t realize that snowballs were regional/local until the last couple years. I was shocked to find out they weren’t everywhere. It’s sort of like a snow cone, but different texture ice

  1. Wait, you didn’t buy it?

    You might only make a couple of snowballs per year, but imagine eating ice cream covered in Cotton Candy syrup! Or Egg Custard syrup.

  2. I totally had the snoopy snow cone maker! Are snow balls similar to shave ice in Hawaii? That stuff is amazing!

  3. soCal native, never heard of “snowballs” but snowcones are great.Three liters of syrup might be a bit much for the home enthusiast though…

    I dunno if I’d get the syrup without an ice shaver, but I think every home should have an ice shaver.

  4. I live in San Diego (well, north of the city, but close enough). A store opened up near me called “Baltimore Snowballs.”
    I had never heard of a snowball before, but I assumed they were like snow cones. They had a big sign assuring everyone that that they are not the same as snow cones. I haven’t been there yet, but I drive by the spot every day. I’ll have to look and see if they are still there. For some reason, I think they closed down.

  5. No need to waste a ton of money: Treat yourself to the syrup but skip the frozen ice part all together. Just buy a pack of syringes (10 pack is $6.89 on Amazon Prime) and you’re good. Nothing says “inject-able” like high fructose corn syrup. Enjoy!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s