The other day at the “weird” grocery store (a private non-chain, the sort of stores that are treasure troves of odd items), they were selling snowball syrup! It’s a niche item that only three people in a twenty-mile radius need (the three owners of the three snowball stands.) And yet, for a moment, I NEEDED THIS.
Obligatory note in case you don’t know what the hell a snowball is: it’s a regional variation on a snow cone.
Thoughts that went through my head:
- Snowball syrup for real?
- I need this.
- Like, we’d save so much money on snowballs
- (It hasn’t yet occurred to me that I only eat one or two snowballs a year.)
- I’d have to get a ice crusher.
- I could get the Snoopy Snowball Maker
- That shit never worked.
- I could get it though.
- Remember the soul crushing disappointment in childhood over that shit?
- Okay, okay.
- I could look up the price on industrial machines.
- Alright, so $6 for the syrup, plus I’m going to need to spend another $3 to get the pump handle. And it looks like I could get a stainless steel ice crusher online for $50.
- (Suddenly it occurs to me that would take around 25 years for me to break even at the rate of one snowball per year.)
For the record, I would have chosen the Egg Custard flavor. Maybe I could open my own snowball stand and then write a a gripping first-hand account from the front lines. In some ways that’s the best idea ever.