50 Days of Summer: T-Shirt Regret

Rehoboth Beach Pictures 089

Our first official family beach vacation happened. It was the first time we went on vacation with a kid, and we took the dog too. It was great, but I’m also pretty sure someone has a voodoo doll of me and was sticking pins in it all week.

Things that happened:

– $150 speeding ticket on the way there in one of the infamous, pure pure evil speed traps

– Dog freaked out in condo; barked “without pause” for two days

– “Without pause” in quotations because that’s what the first angry note, scrawled in blood on a paper towel and posted on our door, described it as.

– Okay, it wasn’t really written in blood, but it may as well have been with how seething it was.

– Soooo, we bought the dog a toy, played with her extra, walked her extra, and she seemed totally fine. We posted our phone number on the door for people to call us if the dog was bothering them. We received no calls on our 2nd beach day. Problem solved, right?

– Wrong. Instead, we received an even angrier note, with multiple exclamation points, carefully shaded in. Who does that? Who shades in exclamation points on anonymous passive aggressive notes?

– I talked to all the neighbors personally, offering to buy them a 6-pack and to call me if the dog bothered them. All denied writing the note. WTF. But after that, Note-Gate mysteriously ended.

– Wife came down with head cold.

– Baby came down with head cold.

– I came down with head cold.

– And for the grand finale, I fucked my car trying to turn out of a narrow alley parking spot, getting stuck and denting it/scratching it straight to hell.

But you know what? We still had a great time. And I’m so sociopathically committed to ENJOYING VACATION NO MATTER WHAT that my one sole regret is that I didn’t buy my son a beanie babies shirt.

I know what you’re thinking. I officially got sun stroke and lost my damn mind on this vacation. It’s possible. Very very possible.

$_57

This is not the shirt I didn’t buy. This is just an example of what the shirt was. If it had been this shirt, I probably would not have been able to resist.

I love digging in the racks of the numerous t-shirt stores. The clearance racks in the back are always goldmines of stray long-ago printed 90s shirts. While I didn’t find any “MUST BUY” gems, I almost bought my kid a 90s Beanies shirt that said “This is my Beanies Shirt.” It was so perfect and so terrible.

The only thing was, if I bought this for him, was it because I loved him? Or if I didn’t buy it, was it because I loved him?

Ultimately I decided I loved him too much to dress him in twenty-year-old shirts saturated in roughly seven levels of postmodern irony that would be totally lost on him. One day he’d just take a picture of him in that shirt and hand it to the therapist wordlessly.

But damn it, it was only $2.99. I should have bought it.

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11 responses to “50 Days of Summer: T-Shirt Regret

  1. You should submit them to passive aggressive notes. Sorry all the shitty things happened. Vacations are usually like that, I guess, but we filter out all the meh, good and bad, and frame the rest in a halo of sacred vacation light (baby’s first! if I recall correctly). You made the right call on the shirt but it’ll still be their next year if you change your mind.

  2. When you are on vacation, always buy the t-shirt. I have learned this lesson through painful experience. You will forget your regret at buying the t-shirt. You will never forget your regret at not buying the t-shirt.

  3. BronxbombersAV

    I love these posts. I don’t Love what happened to you guys, that sucks. I think I would have sprung for the shirt, my girlfriend would probably make me throw it away, though.

  4. Great story! Suggested edit: add an “up” after “fucked” because, well, you didn’t really, I mean, you couldn’t have…um?

  5. Dude! That’s Rehoboth. You were in my town. Damn. wish Id known. Id have shown you around!!!

  6. #1CabDriverinIowaCity

    But of course you brought home some kitschy memorabilia?

  7. Such a funny holiday! At least all those things made your holiday memorable and you can look back and laugh!
    If you have a few minutes to spare read my blog, it’s brand new!

  8. DAMMIT. WRITTEN OUT OF HISTORY.

    I GOT A HEAD COLD TOO.

    AND ALMOST GOT SKUNKED.

    AND GOT A WHOLE DIET COKE IN MY LAP.

  9. Hahaha I love the baby photo thing. And for your information I’m only 8 but check out my blog

  10. You are pretty awesome. .you write so funny…I loved your blog..feel free to give mine a look.. :)

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