Hot tip ya’ll: Dollar Tree brought its A-Game this year. I stopped in with no expectations and left having spent the greatest four dollars of my life.
Choice Item Number ONE: Nativity Magnet Set!
Wife’s Reaction: Absolutely none, whatsoever. Continued tending to baby blankly.
Why I Had to Have It: I love Nativity scenes. I know I’ve told this story on the blog before, but it’s one of my favorites. Growing up, we had a porcelain Nativity scene. The Joseph figure had long ago taken a spill, and was beheaded. Each year, my mother went to great lengths to re-attach his head. Some years it was krazy glue; some years it was the hyrbid glue/tape method. One year she went all in and rigged something up with a rubber band. She called it The Christmas Miracle every year that his head stayed attached throughout the season. I never went to church a day in my life in childhood, yet my mother’s annual respect and dedication to re-attaching that head taught me everything I needed to know.
Which, speaking of respect, doesn’t really explain why I had to have a Nativity scene in magnet form. I don’t have any good reasons. It’s perversely tacky and I love it.
Choice Item Number TWO: Wind-Up Train!
Wife’s Reaction:: Yeah right. That’s not ever going to work.
Why I Had to Have It: Well, duh. I HAD TO see if it would work.
The results: IT ACTUALLY WORKS. I wound the train up, sat it on the track, and it heartily chugged around the track full circle. This is worth a million dollars.
Choice Item Number THREE: This Mini-Gingerbread House COOKIE
Wife’s Reaction: Are you actually going to eat that? It probably has lead in it.
Why I Had to Have It: A non-descript, no-brand name, random sketchy cookie in the shape of a house? Ummm, yes please.
I didn’t know quite where to start, so I just awkwardly bit off the roof. This in itself was deeply satisfying and worth the dollar. Taste-wise, it’s dry, stiff, and floral-tasting. It’s really, really terrible. Someone asked me in the comments on my Sad Christmas Candy post what I do after I taste these things. Do I just throw them out or do I actually continue eating them just because? The answer varies, but I can tell you this “cookie” is going directly in the trash.
Choice Item Number FOUR: This Amazingly Crappy Nativity Scene
Wife’s Reaction: That looks like something somebody pooped out.
Why I Had To Have it: Because this belongs in a museum. But not because it’s a work of art. More because it’s a curious artifact. Dwindling materials and fuel from our precious, dying planet were to used to create this.
It looks like a random glob of amorphous clay that only accidentally resembles the nativity. Which come to think of it, I will proclaim as this year’s Christmas Miracle.