Contest: Entertain Me at 3AM, Win This Awesome Hoodie


I’ve teamed up with TV Store Online, a shop that sells pop culture shirts, to give away a free prize to someone out there. The prize I’ve chosen is this ridiculous sick TMNT hoodie (shown above) in honor of the new Turtles-with-creepy-nostrils movie that’s out.

In my real life, I would have already seen that movie, bought all the nostril-y action figures, and spewed out a 2000-word thesis on the film. However, in my alternate life, I’ve been trying to figure out ways to not have my baby smell like pee all the time. Technically, this may ultimately prove to be more entertaining than the movie, but I don’t think I’m supposed to be talking about that.

I’m supposed to be talking about how TV Store Online has a variety of TV, movies, music, and gaming t-shirts and novelties for sale, so be sure to browse their site on your own accord.

Okay, so how do you win?

Entertain me. Somehow. I’m desperate. At some point, it’s going to be 3AM for me, and I’m going to be forced-awake with pee-smelling baby in my arms. Leave a comment. Tell me a story, an anecdote, a joke, a link to something I should read. Tell me something that happened to you yesterday. Tell me how you started reading this blog. Tell me about your love life, your lunch, or your experience with head lice. I’m really not picky these days.

My comment is going to be lame and I never win anything.

Nope. Your comment is going to rule so hard. And maybe today is the day you will win a magical internet blog prize.

I’ve never commented on the blog and now I’m going to look sleazy just trying to win the prize.

I don’t care. Judgement-free zone.

I’ve never even read this blog. I just got here from Twitter trying to win the prize.

Just make your story extra entertaining. And maybe read some more of the blog. And adorn me with admiration.

We’re friends in real life.

Sorry, real life friends. This prize is only for special internet strangers!

Now what?

A week from today, August 20th, I will assign numbers to the comments and randomly draw a number to pick the winner. Be sure to leave your email address in the comment form. I will email the winner and have TV Store Online send you the prize!

Sweet Hoodie Specs:

– Comes in sizes S to XXXL
– Heather Gray
– 50% Cotton / 50% Polyester
– Standard Fit Hoodie
– $45 Value. This will easily be the sweetest prize you’ve ever won.

Alright. Comment. Go.


34 responses to “Contest: Entertain Me at 3AM, Win This Awesome Hoodie

  1. I still can’t believe the Turtles have been around that long. I just got around to reading the omnibus of original comic books last year. So good.

  2. i may not be eligible, but I recently heard an awesome joke: “What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?”

  3. While hernias are far from entertaining, my son is getting checked out today to make sure he doesn’t have one. I so could use such a pick-me-up!

    In other news, I’m currently picking out a reward for my pen pal who incorporated “It puts the lotion on its skin” into her letter, per my request.

  4. Bitches love hoodies.

  5. God, I got so drunk last night and my girlfriend and I argued for hours. I woke up at 6 AM and now I’m sick. Life sucks.

  6. Ah there are so many different sweets in my office. Cup cakes, biscotti, oreos, kit kats, and butterfingers. I’m going into sugar shock.

  7. I don’t actually want the sweatshirt, but I am going to post a link to an article I wrote anyway. Because I would love to read the blog post that results from a deranged 3am reading of this that convinces you that one of your toys should go on vacation for you while you’re trapped at home with Mr. Peepeestink.

  8. Cory from Canada

    I was running to get to work one night when I was a teen and I decided to take a short cut through a farmer’s field. I tripped and fell face first into a pile of cow droppings, so it ruined my night. Don’t think it was 3 am, though….

  9. Here’s a joke for you followed by some advice:
    One day Mikey’s mother turned to Mikey’s father and said,” It’s such a nice day, I think I’ll take Mikey to the zoo.”
    “I wouldn’t bother,” said father. “If they want him, let them come and get him!

    We always joke that we are going to take our kids back to where we got them from, their true home “Monkey Island.” This is an exhibit at our local zoo. Our little monkeys always laugh when we kid them about this. Here’s my advice to you though. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Even though your little guy is too small to remember such outings yet start taking him places. Local museums, the zoo, the mall, libraries, and outdoor parks are good places to walk around with a new baby. I know it seems daunting to pack up all the diapers, formula, and outfit changes you might need for even a short outing, but I guarantee you’ll feel better being out of the house. Even better if you take the baby out by yourself and let your wife catch a little nap without worrying about the baby.

  10. Here’s a limerick I wrote in 7th grade which was 11 years ago:

    There once was a man named Jerry
    Who was often very merry
    He liked to bake cakes
    While drinking milkshakes
    Too bad he’s allergic to dairy.

  11. That hoodie is awesome, but I am really hoping to entertain you at 3am because I have a three week old baby, and I know how it goes. So. My husband created a choral music station for our baby on Pandora. He seems to really like. We keep the iPad in his Pack N Play all the time because we are either blasting white noise or listening to some super churchy sounds. Yesterday the baby was flailing around with his little mittened hands, and one of them landed on the iPad. And imagine my face when I realized that my innocent baby had swiped the screen in just the right place to…download a game called Kim Kardashian Hollywood.

  12. I find it wholly appropriate to share a post I wrote in my head while awake with a screaming ball of poop and formula. Most of it found it’s way onto the blog.

  13. A girl I knew through friends once had a party in a new flat her parents had bought and decorated for her. It was properly nice and she didn’t have to pay any bills but her parents were not about to let her forget that it was their flat and she was just living in it and as a result she had to take care of it. Somehow from this, she got that throwing a massive blow out party after living there for all of 12 minutes was a good idea.

    She should never have thrown said party because she was very stressed about people touching anything, breaking anything, spilling anything etc. Morning rolled around and she was desperately trying to get people to f**k off because her parents were swinging by in the early afternoon and she had to tidy up. My very drunk friend Josh, nearly unconscious on a chair, sleepily informed her that he had ‘been a painter last night…and recreated the ‘sixteenth’ chapel’ On hearing this I looked up. He had made a big ketchup penis on her kitchen ceiling. And very nice it was too.

    The girl freaked out and insisted those of us still there helped her clean it off. This was easier said than done as most people were still drunk and so getting them to balance on chairs and focus on a task was like trying to instruct Stephen Hawking in the Lindy Hop. What I discovered is that cleaning products plus dry ketchup penis ceiling causes paint to peel off. Who knew? She started to cry and hyperventilate and so I made a hasty exit, wishing her luck on my way out the door to get a bacon sandwich.

    And that is the story of how I realised I was an extra in a teenage party film.

  14. When my brother and I were young we had a tank upstairs with two frogs. My mutant, peach-colored frog was the adventurous one. It escaped from the tank by shooting at the mesh covering until it shifted over a bit, leaving a small gap. It traveled multiple trips down the hallway into my parents’ bedroom, waking them with a strange sound like a sponge hopping on their carpet. One day the aquatic frog, around two inches long, traveled through about half of our two story house. He went along the hallway, down a flight of stairs, turned into the dining room, on through the kitchen, down one more hallway and stopped at the bathroom on the other side of the house. The best part was that since my brother and I were young kids, we had bath toys all over the floor. So in the morning, my mother comes into the bathroom and starts to pick up the toys while yelling at us in the other room about how messy we were. Suddenly my mother screams, a shrill ‘i just scooped up a dead frog thinking it was a bath toy’ kind of scream. We run to the bathroom door, our shock quickly replaced with hysteric laughter, ending with a salute goodbye to my adventurous frog. Pets definitely make our lives more interesting.

  15. An American and a Frenchman are talking to each other. The Frenchman says “Hey do you know what our country’s flag means?” “No” says the American. The Frenchman says “It represents our taxes. We’re red when we get them. White when we see the total. And Blue when we make the payment.” The American says “Yeah, it’s the same for us, but we also see stars.”

  16. my story could give you ideas of what to you have to look forward to with a son..
    when my son was about 4 or 5 I got him one of those cool power wheels, It ran on a big battery so he could drive it around the yard. I bought it in the heat of summer and went to put it together (imagine 35 year old WOMAN doing this – important part of story!) so I had it pretty much together, I was just squating and putting in screws, the neighbor man came over to see what we were doing and my son came and squatted by me to watch closely, he then blurtted out, Mom! you have a stinky wiener! (in my definse it was SUPER hot out!) no wonder that single neighbor man never tried to be my special freind. And later in the year, in same said powerwheel..I look out the window and see my son in the powerwheel…with a beer he took out of the fridge in his hand…i went out to ask him WTF?? and he happily said “look mom! I am driving drunk”… anyway..if i should happen to win the sweatshirt i just may give it to him..key word being may.

  17. It’s not 3AM, and this is a little lame, but I’m leaving the best job I’ve ever had today to go back to law school. It’s been a rough week and your blog has sustained me. I get entertained by it, so de facto, does this make this a comment that opines on the concept of entertaining? I would say so. Plus, I love hoodies.

  18. Fun Facts: Hard Rock Cafe is owned by the Seminole Tribe of Florida / Diet Coke is not Diet Coca Cola, but Diet New Coke in terms of flavor profile / EPCOT was supposed to be a domed city of the future

  19. Well… I feel for you. I remember being up at night playing Assassin’s Creed II and Mass Effect 2 with a little baby sleeping on my chest. Godspeed, my friend.

    As per your request – entertainment. Some stories from my blog.

    A story about people giving me information I don’t want:

    A story about grocery shopping with the family:

    Finally, a story about going to the American Girl Doll Store:

    Hope you enjoy them. Congratulations on your little one!

  20. Well… I feel for you. I remember being up at night playing Assassin’s Creed II and Mass Effect 2 with a little baby sleeping on my chest. Godspeed, my friend.

    As per your request – entertainment. Some stories from my blog.

    A story about people giving me information I don’t want:

    A story about grocery shopping with the family:

    Finally, a story about going to the American Girl Doll Store:

    Hope you enjoy them. Congratulations on your little one!

  21. I know the feel bro. Mine is 10 months now.

    In honor of the TMNT movie release I give you RANT A MANIA! I did a post in which I just rant on the shortcomings of the movie. I think you will find it enjoyable at 3am.

  22. Discovered TMNT in college through a rather eccentric and filthy rich outcast from Paducah, Kentucky. This was a year or so before the first movie was released. That kid had all original prints of the comics but happily let us read them and I fell in love with them. One day I went with him to visit his family at their mansion in Paducah. It was sick. This kid, Kevin (appropriately named for this story), showed me his huge bedroom then said, “want to see my secret room?” Of course! He opened a small hidden door that led to an even bigger room! Holy shit I was blown away by all his cool toys and comics and other assorted junk. As envious as I was, I also felt sad for him because his parents treated him like crap. Even while I was visiting, his mother went on and on about all the great things her daughters were doing dismissing her son. Kevin was trash to them. Clearly his “secret room” was his way to escape it all. Later we visited his local comic shop and hung out talking about the Turtles and comics. I don’t know what happened to him but whenever I think about the TMNT I always think about how this guy was the one to introduce them to me. And I’ll never forget that visit. For a kid that had everything, Kevin was the loneliest guy I knew.

  23. Courtney Herrera-Lopez

    Ahh babies!! I have a 8 month old son named Edwin and he crawls. He can high five you and shake your hand (if he’s not shy) his first word was mama!!! :) They grow up so fast. :( I am already like but I just gave birth to you yesterday? Lol…He looks like papa but is COMPLETELY a mama’s boy ;) just don’t tell my husband (and his papa) that because he would just be upset because he isn’t a papa’s boy ;) I wish my son wouldn’t grow up so fast :/ before I know he’ll be going out the door saying,”Bye Mom!! I will see you later!!” As he leaves for college. :( that will seriously break my heart…Anyways just thought I would share about my baby :)

  24. I actually found your blog via Pinterest, of all places. This caused me to assume you were a woman for at part of that post, which was about Easter candy and someone trying to evangelize to you in a Wendy’s. I loved that post so much that I went to the beginning and read everything. This blog has made me laugh and cry uncontrollably and I’m not just saying that because I want to win a Ninja Turtle hoodie.

  25. Did you know that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III was filmed at Tongue Point in Astoria, Oregon, just a short jaunt from the locations used in The Goonies? I find this ridiculously exciting every time I pass the sign for Tongue Point.

  26. Ahhh. I just realized what will be in my mailbox soon! The swiss colony catalog….aka food porn. I remember reading your blog about that. Its where I discovered you…and when you became part of my regular emails. It made me laugh so hard & then on & off the rest of the day. Then the next.
    I love browsing through the unnecessary necessities. Maybe this year I’ll order some type of petit fours or maybe a “never expiring” cheese log….I’ll store them in my pockets like a kangaroo…with the hoodie you send me!!
    Oh–if only they made ninja turtle petit fours. Nostrils & all.

  27. Duke Blastington

    Sooo, I’ve been a reader for about two years. I swear i saw a Surfing Pizza on a Dodge Ram truck one time and can fit my whole fist in my mouth. Also, my favorite non-Ninja Turtle TMNT figures were the original Metalhead and Mondo Gecko. I can only leave by imparting these words of wisdom:

    Protect the family jewels, and anyone that tells you they don’t poop in their pants from time to time is a liar and doesn’t deserve to be in your life.

    p.s. – check out

  28. The Surfing Pizza gets a shout out for its Sunday Morning Bookshelf article from a couple of years back, in my review of Arthur C. Clarke’s seminal 1980s series, “Mysterious World”. Feel free to have a looksie round the rest of the site too, you’ll find plenty of Lego and a few turtles.

  29. i just fucking love the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

  30. Well I’ve got a turtle fan joining our family in the next couple of months here, and from reading your blog I am getting an idea of what to look forward to, but in the meantime, here, check out my blog, the entire month has been TMNT based, and will certainly help fill a few minutes of your time, if not, then at least reading this took a bit up so for that I say ….you’re welcome.

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