Halloween Countdown: Monster Fruit Roll-Ups

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These have existed for the last few Halloweens, but this is my first year dipping my toes in the pool. I used to be a fruit-roll up connoisseur as a kid. At one point, I considered them my favorite thing in the world. Fruit snacks, gummy bears, and fruits-by-the-foots (I’m sure that’s the proper plural) came and went, but my heart always belonged to Fruit Roll-Ups.

And man, I could turn a Fruit Roll-Up into a thirty minute affair. I used to take my time with it. I used to savor the thing, peeling away tiny strips of it and letting them flourish like rosebuds on my tongue. These days I just don’t have the same zest for it; I just wad it up and shove the whole thing in my mouth, which is, in itself an art form.

These things are made from actual pears and they’re gluten-free. In fact, if the wife wasn’t steaming broccoli to go along with dinner, these would probably be the healthiest thing I ate all day.

Neither one of these resemble the cereal flavor very much, and I’m certain they’re tied-in in name only. Pretty sure these are the standard strawberry and blue razzspazzmatazz (or whatever the kids are calling it these days) flavors in any other season.

Still, much like the cereal, the FrankenBerry flavor wins hands down. The BooBerry flavor sort of sucks, but it’s blue, and I’m not going to complain.

Missed opportunities: where is the Count Chocula Fruit Roll-Up? I don’t remember it personally, but the Internet says there was once a chocolate version of Fruit Roll-Ups.

Also made by Betty Crocker, it was the “Pudding Roll-Up:”

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One site describes them as a “filmy, congealed sheet of milk chocolate,” which I am going to dream of eating every night for the rest of my life until it comes true.

Executives at Betty Crocker: please bring this back. Yes, it grossed people out and failed the first time, but I guarantee you there is a generation of weird adults who have misplaced nostalgia for filmy chocolate.

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3 responses to “Halloween Countdown: Monster Fruit Roll-Ups

  1. Oh I remember the Butterscotch ones. They were amazing even to a picky 7 year old. From the deer-poop shaped Fun Fruits to orange Fruit Roll-ups, these indeed were glorious times.

  2. I miss fruit roll ups. I hardly ever got them in my lunch and I was always so jealous of the other kids with their unhealthy snacks. I don’t remember chocolate or butterscotch flavors, but that could be because my mom never let us have those flavors. I vote for bringing them back too! And in the meantime, I might just have to get some BooBerry.

  3. Hmm, the pudding roll-ups look a bit like bacon in the picture.

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