Halloween Countdown: Halloween’s Horror Figures

So here’s the thing I was going to blog about yesterday before a Death Adder snake almost killed me. Well, not exactly, but having never encountered a snake before, I learned I share the same fear with Indiana Jones. Why did it have to be snakes? Spiders are no longer my arch nemesis in this basement. The next time I see a spider, I will hug it.

As for the wife’s reaction, she initially thought it was all an elaborate hoax to try and scare her. Even so, she still has not retrieved her clean clothes laundry from the basement, and I’ll keep you updated if she ever does. But let’s get back to toys blah blah blah, at least until something traumatic happens with the groundhog that lives underneath my shed.

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I’m in love with these. I want to marry them. I can’t believe I found a complete set of them. Have I died and gone to heaven? And yes, my version of heaven includes randomly finding full sets of badly-painted bootleg Halloween action figures from the 1980s.

I paid a dollar each for them at the thrift store, continuing my magical streak of thrift store finds. These guys are easily going into my “year-round collection” and not just getting stored with the rest of the Halloween stuff.

Something about these guys just feels like the true meaning of Halloween, which I’m pretty sure could have been found in the sad toy section of a pharmacy store in 1988. These guys were meant to played with the morning after Halloween while eating candy for breakfast. They were meant to be de facto stand-ins for whatever action figures you didn’t have. Like all generic toys, they were supposed to be loved intensely, but only for a day or two, before being lost, tossed, and abused. Their destiny was to end up in yard sale piles and trash cans long ago.

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Yet they’re all here, intact in packaging, surviving together not only all these years, but even through the thrift store’s haphazard sorting process, even making it to the same shelf. How does that happen? If you’re ever seeking the eighth wonder of the world or just a tiny miracle, try a thrift store or yard sale.

So let’s admire them one by one:

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This guy. That face. That smile. My favorite. I guess it’s supposed to be a mummy. Or a burn victim.

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The Pumpkin man. The only one with a different body paint scheme, so obviously very special to the group. The unique one. The Ringo.

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I think this is supposed to be a ghost. Again, that face. For bootleg toys, these guys have some interesting details. But then again, maybe that’s why we love bootlegs so much—they have unique expressions and character, a sort of rebellious nature inherent.

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A somewhat generic skull man, given the previous three, but he adds a stoic dynamic that’s necessary to the group.

Next up and unrelated to the Halloween Countdown — this magazine needs to happen:

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Cool & Collected Magazine is a new pop culture collecting magazine that will be feature-driven, meaning it will be filled with 60+ pages of great writing, including some from me. But you don’t even have to be a collector weirdo to dig this, because there’s going to be all sorts of ephemera in here. Basically, if you’re reading this blog, you’ll like it. (Or you’re just waiting for my story about the groundhog to happen.)

The world needs this magazine, but first it needs you. Chip in fifteen bucks (or more if you want) and you’ll get the first issue. There’s going to be some good reads in here.

Cool & Collected Magazine – Kickstarter

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5 responses to “Halloween Countdown: Halloween’s Horror Figures

  1. Do you think they made it a point to paint the ghost black to avoid having people mistake it for a Klansman? As it stands, you might own the world’s only El Duce action figure!

  2. Thanks Pizza! The magazine is going to be incredible thanks to your contributions.

    (And those figures are awesome!)

  3. The ghost kinda looks like Darth Vader’s wack cousin.

  4. Haha, I like these figures! The packaging art sort of looks like they’re the evils of the world escaping Pandora’s box. I wonder why they didn’t include that blue Slimer stunt double?

  5. Oh, wow. I’m going to have to search for these. I know it will be unfruitful, and I’ll be devastated when I can’t acquire at least one of these toys. They’re delightful! (And that ghost has a real executioner vibe to it.)

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