Last year, Candy Corn Oreos were a mission. And I failed it. I never found them anywhere. I consider not finding the Candy Corn Oreos last year one of the great disappointments of my life. In moments of desperation, I had even considered buying them off Amazon last year, where the scarcity of the cookies had driven them to black market prices, even with sketchy customer reviews stating that it appeared as though some of the cookies were “missing from the package.”
So when I found a full, ripe display of them at Target recently, I immediately bought two packages. I’m a year late to the party, but I’m finally reviewing them. They’re vanilla cookies with a festive orange and yellow cream center. Looks-wise, they definitely have the vibe of candy corn. They also look exactly like the 1960s Capitol Records 45 labels.
Taste-wise, they aren’t like candy corn at all. Maybe they were going for the sheer sweetness of candy corn or maybe they weren’t going for anything at all except to fool you into buying more Oreos. It reminds me of a “birthday cake” flavor—not actual birthday cake, but when things are “flavored” like birthday cake. Oreos that taste like birthday cake, though—I’m not complaining. They’re great. They’re a worthwhile addition to your Halloween to-do list.
Now, in the “seasonal things-we-did” department:
This weekend we hit up Blob’s Park, a historic German banquet hall in Jessup, Maryland, complete with wood paneling on the walls and old people in lederhosen. Established in 1933 by German immigrants who settled in Maryland, this place is straight out of the 1950s, acres of land having survived plagues of condos and townhouses, at least for now.
Throughout the fall season, they do weekly Oktoberfests with German beers and what can best be described as “polka variety shows.” Since there’s of a bunch of local people reading this, I have a public service announcement for you, YOU NEED TO GO TO THIS. Seriously, it’s awesome.
There is: weird Maypole dancing, weird dancing with rakes and hammers, and weird dancing in two-person horse costumes. Also see: Swiss alphorns, yodeling, and polka music. Also: some light rock-and-roll provided by a band called “The Variety Tones” where the average bandmember age is probably seventy. Maybe it was the ghosts of my part-German genetics or maybe it was just a strange childhood memory, but the whole thing felt oddly familiar.
By the way, if I haven’t sold you on it by typing out “DANCING IN TWO PERSON HORSE COSTUMES” then I don’t think you should be reading this blog anymore.
There is also: a sketchy buffet of sausages and sauerkraut that looks as though it is barely being kept above room temperature. That would skeeve most people out, but somehow it just added to the ambiance alongside those fancy party streamers.
Besides, everyone knows it’s really not an authentic experience until you risk food poisoning.