Games Calculators Play
Everyone knows calculators can spell “hello,” but did you know they can also do 128 pages worth of other tricks? Me neither. All I know is this is an entire book of badassery. I bought this with one ambition—to learn how to spell all the bad words there are on a calculator. This could make me a better person, alongside knowing the trick to winning the carnival ring toss game and having a working knowledge of basic cocktail mixing.
Apparently calculators do more than spell dirty words however. Apparently they also do math. More specifically, math magic tricks. As the book says, you can be a math magician. And even though the front cover of this book assures me that I don’t have to be a “math whiz” to enjoy it, I can assure you I don’t understand a damn word of this book.
So what wizardry is inside this book? Stuff like getting to certain numbers in a certain number of keystrokes by pressing only the addition button. Or quick ways to solve magic squares. Magic squares. I’m having violent flashbacks to gruesome middle school math.
There is also this trippy drawing of a buffalo in this book:
1980s Board Game Hoard
Well, that’s what the wife is calling it. I actually kind of hate board games because I’m a poor loser and the kind of person to callously flip the whole board game over. And/or straight-up cheat. So even though I have this secret fantasy of inviting all our friends over and having an old-school board game night, it will never happen because I’d devolve into an angry gorilla.
The 1980s were a sort of glory days for board games though. If you consider plastic gimmicks the glory days. Basically, every board game back then came with a gigantic hunk o’ plastic that a shoddy game was hastily designed around. The hunk o’ plastic usually did something with the press of a button and the buzzy little motor inside would smell like it was burning. The commercials would make these games seem like epic adventures, but reality would be a crappy motorized plastic buzzard meets the thrilling gameplay of….Candyland.
I was disillusioned with these games when I was eight and I’m nostalgic for them now. It’s kind of like Nintendo games.
Sonic the Hedgehog Pinball Machine
Old-school Sega sweetness. It takes an oddball combination of both C and D batteries, which nobody has lying around in 2013, so I have no idea if it works and maybe I never will. But I’ll always have this artwork to admire:
The New Ninja Turtles Van
So I’m loving the new TMNT series and I’m collecting the figures casually. As in I’m not making a point of buying everything, but if I’m in the mood and in the aisle, I might pick one up here and there. And I’ve long had my eye on the latest incarnation of the Turtle Van, but it goes for around thirty bucks, and that’s more of a “going-steady” rate. And like I said, me and the new Turtles are just casual. But then I found the van at a yard sale, basically new in the box. Worth it!
And yeah, with all the new cool toys coming out for the new TMNT, I’m thinking of proposing marriage.
Street Sharks and Dinosaurs
I haven’t really had a big summer with the yard sale finds, but I’ve been finding the hell out of some Street Sharks and Dinosaurs. I’ve been collecting a very specific 1970s/80s dinosaur made by Imperial Toys of a certain type of plastic.
Here’s my full collection of Imperial dinosaurs so far, appropriately arranged on a period-correct 70s end table:
They really really don’t make crappy plastic dinosaurs the way they used to. Today’s dinosaurs are smaller and made of a harder plastic. And they’re painted more “realistically” and hell, now they’re saying the Triceratops didn’t even exist. However he did, and I have a grinning neon-orange rimmed one with blue eyes to prove it.