Before I started writing this post, I was going to say something about how although I’d reviewed Frankenberry Cereal in the past, Monster Cereal is a tradition that HAS to happen every year. But then I discovered I’ve been terribly remiss in that I’VE NEVER REVIEWED IT.
Here’s my first suggestion, General Mills. Don’t lead off advertising that the first ingredient is whole grain. That just seems so wrong. The first ingredient is obviously GLORIOUS PINK. That’s okay though. I realize you have to get parents to buy their kids this crap in the post-obesity-crisis world. We’ve gotta get a new generation hooked. I got you.
My second thought is I wish Frankenberry wasn’t so computer-rendered, although I do like his fruity fingernails. Uber-hip, Frankenberry.
I poured myself a massive bowl of this stuff because I was really that excited. God, just look at it. The flavor is great. I’d reviewed BooBerry in the past, but I just don’t remember it being this good. This has a faint strawberry flavor. The marshmallows add a nice sweetness. The cereal is light, airy, and crisp. Some cereals are too crunchy and hard on the gums; this one melts in your mouth. Yeah, I just typed that. Frankenberry Cereal melts in your mouth. I think I’m in love.
Go out and buy a box of Monster Cereals. Make your choice: Frankenberry, Booberry, or Count Chocula. It’s like joining a breakfast gang. MAKE YOUR ALLEGIANCE KNOWN.
Alright, let’s continue on in this sugar rush. In the grocery store the other day, I was temporarily blinded by a golden aura. Had I dropped dead in the store? Was I at the gates of heaven? No, it was just this Hostess snack cake display:
Immediately, my eyes were drawn to the boxes of Fall/Halloween-themed Twinkies. First of all, it’s pretty lame to go halfsies about it, with the benign Fall-themed hay stacks. There’s just a hint of Halloween bats in the background.
Look, Twinkies, Halloween is about going BALLS OUT. That box needs to be decked out in rabid bats and the Twinkies themselves need to be spewing out creamy orange Halloween vomit. I’ll cut them some slack though. Hostess just filed bankruptcy in January of this year. The Twinkie is on life support at this point. It’s haystacks or nothing.
Also of note on the display were the ScaryCakes. Not gonna lie, ScaryCakes kind of rule. I’m not above fawning over orange icing and brown sprinkles, even if it’s just a regular old slightly-stale Hostess cupcake underneath. I totally would have bought these, but there was something even more exciting and earth-moving on the snack cake display that fateful day.
GLOballs aren’t new; in the past they’ve been neon green. Whether neon green or neon orange is better over the other is a personal preference, but I think we can all agree on one thing: the word GLOball is amazing.
In general, the Hostess Snoballs have always been better than their cupcake counterparts. And here’s the scientific reason why: the marshmallow works as a protective, healing shield that keeps the cake part from drying out.
IT’S SO FLUFFY I’M GONNA DIE!
Seriously, I want to hug it. But then I ate it first. I think I prefer the orange variation better. The flavor is no different, but at least it’s a shade that’s found in nature. You gotta figure it’s healthier than neon green. Or at least easier on the liver, that jack-of-all-trades organ we all love so much.
This has been a successful outing in Halloween foods. I give the Frankenberry Cereal and the GLOballs each five stars.