This is a Bumble. And this is my favorite thing this Christmas season. Until I proclaim the next thing my favorite thing. Fickle heart.
I called finding him the Christmas Miracle, but then again I call everything the Christmas Miracle, including finding my car keys and saving fifty cents on my choice of select Kellogg’s cereals. Coupons are miraculous.
But in fact, finding Bumble actually falls under the distinct category of Christmas Missions. All the best Christmases have a Christmas Mission Accomplished—for example when you finally find that hot toy, finally perfect that pie recipe, or finally get your first kill in a Wal-Mart on Black Friday.
Finding this Bumble was my 2011 Christmas Mission Accomplished, the result of going to three Targets. The wife was assigned to the Targets near her office. I staked out the ones near the house. Which did I mention? Are totally picked over and horrific war zones at this point.
We’re exactly one week before Christmas, which is a frightening sentence to those of us who did not do all of our shopping online, thank you very much you smug bastards. I’m sure it’s so easy to just have all the boxes delivered right to the front door, but you know what? I like pain. I like being at the mall where everyone appears to have the worst chest cold ever. My God people, should you really be out in public like this? Or just generally be out in public? And I LOVE waiting for the person who is standing right in front of the thing I want to look at. I LOVE IT. I really do. Now please fucking move. Please.
Christmas shopping PTSD is very real. Don’t be afraid to talk about it.
Special shout out to all my comrades out there working retail at Christmas. I’m a retail vet myself. I did several tours back in the day. War is hell.
Bumble is made by Funko in their line of Pop toys, a series of figures made of vinyl that are 3.75 inches tall. I normally don’t give a crap about stylized vinyl figures, but when I found out Rudolph-themed ones existed, it became a whole different story. There are also Year Without Santa Claus versions featuring Snow Miser and Heat Miser. They’re five bucks a pop, a total deal.
I would love to have seen a Hermey figure, and especially a Yukon Cornelius. That guy rules. Or a misfit toy. Here’s a piece of trivia I learned from Wikipedia: the Dolly for Sue on the Island of Misfit Toys doesn’t appear to have anything wrong with her. That’s because her problem is depression! Apparently Sue rejected and didn’t love her.
But of my available choices, I knew it had to be Bumble. I dig Bumble. He used to scare the hell out of me as a kid. I mean, he almost kills and eats the entire reindeer family and Hermey, too. It’s dark stuff. Rudolph is some crazy shit. Children’s specials today aren’t nearly as unsettling.
However, in the end, everyone knows that Bumble is just a misunderstood softie. Just look at him:
ADORABLE. This guy is made really nice. I love the minimal detail about him, and yet every detail is precisely the perfect detail. He’s got a lot of personality. It’s a solid, cool toy, and it’s bad ass enough to stay out all year. Of course, Christmas is when he really shines.
Don’t worry about what’s going on in that picture. Bumble is not about to devastate the Playmobil Nativity. He’s only saying hi.