I’ve been seeing some really legit stocking stuffers out there this year, and this one is a particular favorite. I found this at Target on sale for less than five bucks. Just take a moment to admire that packaging. It’s the total embodiment of the true meaning of Christmas. And yes, in case you find yourself lost and searching this season like so many others, you have just found it. The true meaning is Surprise Monster Jam Trucks.
Reflect on it. You’ll get it.
I always wanted to go to a monster truck rally as a kid. It’s big cars riding over little cars! There’s fire and bone-crushing deaths! I’m certain monster truck rallies had bone-crushing deaths, three words that can make a child salivate. Everyone always thinks of children as innocent, but the truth is kids are little psychos. Little psychos who cry when Bambi’s mom dies.
Plus I knew there would be popcorn at the rally, the kind that comes in a little cardboard box with red stripes on it. I REALLY WANTED TO GO BAD.
Instead my parents took us to museums and parks. One time, we did go to an exotic animals show inside an arena, so at least I broke even in the sketchy arena shows department.
There was a monster truck rally around here recently. Admission was only like fifteen bucks, and I think the first 100 people admitted got a free can of Bud Light. Something like that. Can you believe the wife didn’t want to go? Maybe I should have mentioned the popcorn in little cardboard boxes with red stripes. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
Each box contains a surprise monster truck pictured on the back. I desperately want mine to be the Holiday Hauler so that I have an excuse to put this with my Christmas decorations. And by desperately, I mean that if my particular box does not contain the Holiday Hauler, I may just lose my mind, drive back to Target, and promptly purchase a case of them in search of the golden ticket. I’m imagining a future together with the Holiday Hauler, year after year as a cherished piece of my Christmas decorations.
However, that Superman truck will do. And I probably won’t slit my wrists with a rusty butter knife if I end up with the lame Grinder Monster Truck.
Then again, I can get really emotional.
I love this packaging. It really captures the essence of stocking stuffers. There should always be that something in the stocking that goes the extra mile, and this does it. The detail down to the tire tread prints on the box is just awesome.
Plus I can totally use this nifty little box to wrap another gift.
In the tradition of Clark Griswold, “drumroll, please.”
The Gravedigger. It would have been third on my choice list, which isn’t bad given my general luck with these sort of things. I like it. It pays small tribute to my bloodthirsty nostalgia for death. Maybe the wife will fill my stocking with another shot at the Holiday Hauler. Hint hint hint hint.
THAT WAS A HINT.
Christmas is about subtlety.
And besides, I still came up with a way to work it into my decorations: