Christmas Countdown #3!

I’ve been seeing some really legit stocking stuffers out there this year, and this one is a particular favorite. I found this at Target on sale for less than five bucks. Just take a moment to admire that packaging. It’s the total embodiment of the true meaning of Christmas. And yes, in case you find yourself lost and searching this season like so many others, you have just found it. The true meaning is Surprise Monster Jam Trucks.

Reflect on it. You’ll get it.

I always wanted to go to a monster truck rally as a kid. It’s big cars riding over little cars! There’s fire and bone-crushing deaths! I’m certain monster truck rallies had bone-crushing deaths, three words that can make a child salivate. Everyone always thinks of children as innocent, but the truth is kids are little psychos. Little psychos who cry when Bambi’s mom dies.

Plus I knew there would be popcorn at the rally, the kind that comes in a little cardboard box with red stripes on it. I REALLY WANTED TO GO BAD.

Instead my parents took us to museums and parks. One time, we did go to an exotic animals show inside an arena, so at least I broke even in the sketchy arena shows department.

There was a monster truck rally around here recently. Admission was only like fifteen bucks, and I think the first 100 people admitted got a free can of Bud Light. Something like that. Can you believe the wife didn’t want to go? Maybe I should have mentioned the popcorn in little cardboard boxes with red stripes. Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Each box contains a surprise monster truck pictured on the back. I desperately want mine to be the Holiday Hauler so that I have an excuse to put this with my Christmas decorations. And by desperately, I mean that if my particular box does not contain the Holiday Hauler, I may just lose my mind, drive back to Target, and promptly purchase a case of them in search of the golden ticket. I’m imagining a future together with the Holiday Hauler, year after year as a cherished piece of my Christmas decorations.

However, that Superman truck will do. And I probably won’t slit my wrists with a rusty butter knife if I end up with the lame Grinder Monster Truck.

Then again, I can get really emotional.

I love this packaging. It really captures the essence of stocking stuffers. There should always be that something in the stocking that goes the extra mile, and this does it. The detail down to the tire tread prints on the box is just awesome.

Plus I can totally use this nifty little box to wrap another gift.

In the tradition of Clark Griswold, “drumroll, please.”

The Gravedigger. It would have been third on my choice list, which isn’t bad given my general luck with these sort of things. I like it. It pays small tribute to my bloodthirsty nostalgia for death. Maybe the wife will fill my stocking with another shot at the Holiday Hauler. Hint hint hint hint.


Christmas is about subtlety.

And besides, I still came up with a way to work it into my decorations:


9 responses to “Christmas Countdown #3!

  1. Ha ha Love the monster truck next to the Nativity scene. I loved playing with my brother’s Hot Wheels. He had a track that was awesome and we played for hours!

  2. Very nice placement. Oh god, I’d forgotten how big monster truck rallies used to be. Had no idea they were still going on, and there’s something very comforting in that.

  3. Once again you’ve shared your somewhat deep insides. That is one heartwarming and touching tableau, Pizza. [impressed]

  4. I would not mind getting those cool trucks. I would have to receive them in a clandestine fashion, however. I’m 62 years old.

  5. @Carl: if anybody asks, you’re buying them for the grandkid! I actually have a monster truck on my writing desk right now; it’s pirate-themed and called “Captain’s Curse”. I use it as a paperweight…when I’m not playing with it…

  6. I literally laughed out loud when I saw the Monster truck display in front of the Nativity scene. Wrong and priceless.

  7. When I was around eight years old I was so happy that my parents gave me a hots wheels playset instead of a doll or stuffed animal. I loved the giant box (twice as wide as I was) and it came in with bright colored pictures. There were so many pieces to it, it was amazing!

  8. Christ, I can remember setting that endcap in my store. The packaging is perfect, except that it’s a big invite for those damn Hot Wheels dorks who will sneak in and tear open the Mystery Packages to find their desired cars. I hate those guys/dorks.

    While I’ve yet to make to a Monster Truck Rally, I saw that Monster Jam is set to invade Tampa next month. Plans have already been made. From what friends (who are regulars) have told me, the true action starts BEFORE the show with the tailgating.

    Tell your wife she’d love it. My sister dragged her boyfriend to one once and she loved it. Bought herself a Gravedigger shirt and everything, much to her loved one’s chagrin.

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