So there I was, at the grocery store figuring out dinner, again. The wife was working another late night and it was up to me to feed us. I was thinking tacos. Required vegetables, chopping. But before I got down to business in the vegetable aisle, I decided to take a swing through the Halloween section. I’d already been through it every other visit, too, but I never know what might strike me differently. And that’s how I came home with Mr. Potato Head.
Shopping is the way adults trick-or-treat. It’s the same as going door to door, only instead you go store to store checking out the loot. I hadn’t seen Mr. Potato Head before in my prior perusals. Instantly, we locked eyes. Multiple eyes. But I kept pushing my cart. Gotta save money. Really should save money. Gotta buy dinner. Just focus on dinner. I pushed past hefty bags of Snickers and painted gourds and papery wreaths in autumn colors. I began my second go-around the Halloween section. Once is never enough.
I paused again, in front of him. He was courting me with that multi-eye of his. This time I picked him up.
“I’m one a-peeling monster!”
The potato pun was too much. Too awesome. The justifications began to drown out my reasoning adult mind, whatever five cells are devoted to it. He was only eight bucks. A bargain. And really, this wasn’t just another toy like the other five I bought this past week. This was a Halloween decoration. A-ha. Very clever distinction, old brain. Very clever indeed.
Also, who the hell am I kidding? I’m going to buy anything with a multi-eye. I love you, multi-eye. I love you so much that if I could stick you into my own eye socket without bleeding dramatically, I would.
And my brain just kept going, the brilliant mass that it is. I’d downgrade dinner to frozen burritos, which is cheaper than buying a bunch of taco stuff, cancelling out the whole cost thing, too. Also, no chopping.
Now I wasn’t simply blowing money on another toy, but I was reasonably budgeting money for dinner and Halloween decorations. Plus, those frozen burritos are like organic and shit. I was also being healthy. Everyone knows that words like diet and organic and vegetable and Sun Chips are basically interchangeable.
Before you feel sorry for the wife, working a ten hour day who has to come home to limp microwaved burritos—no way. I totally spruced that ish up with guacamole and chips. WOW. I WAS ON A ROLL.
But let’s get back to the true star of my post:
This guy. He’s just so cool. I’ve seen Mister P. in other holiday variations and even other Halloween editions before, but this year’s monster gear definitely has a notch up on the others. This is that year for Mr. Potato Head—that year when his Halloween costume is truly firing on all cylinders. Think back. You only get that year once. It’s a special one.
I also discovered that playing with Mr. Potato Head even at thirty years old is still fun. With plastic potato as my canvas, the possibilities are limitless. Something about the Halloween costume and monster theme is particularly inspiring:
So there. I’ve found ALL THE GOOD MR. POTATO HEAD COMBINATIONS THAT THERE ARE. I’m fairly pleased with myself. I’m a master at Potato Head and a top chef in the kitchen. You’re swooning, aren’t you? A little bit.