The Surfing Pizza Reporting From The Shore – Day 3

Here we go.

HOT BEACH THING #1: CLOWN GAME

One of my favorite things about Ocean City is that it’s trapped in time to a certain extent. So much of it remains virtually unchanged not only from when I was a kid, but some from even my parents’ and grandparents’ generations. This clown game on the boardwalk used to be my favorite game. It’s the one where you shoot water in the mouth to inflate the balloon. I’ve seen many variations on this type of game at carnivals and even other stands in OC, but the clown/balloon combo is the only one that seems like “the real one” to me.

HOT BEACH THING #2: PIRATES COVE

Aw yeah, the Pirates Cove. This my personal number one tradition to walk through this every year. I’ve never seen anyone else over the age of twelve inside of it, which is really inexplicable, because this fun house is insanely awesome. Again, it’s another one of those things basically unchanged since childhood, with the same creepy day-glo paintings, black lights, skulls, drunk pirates, and low-rent animatronic figures nodding left and right. There’s a strobe room, a mirror maze room, a spinning tunnel, and some four year old up ahead screaming their guts out. You could walk through it in less than two minutes, but I always try to stretch it out and absorb all the awesomeness to hold me over until next year.

HOT BEACH THING #3: RAIDERS

This is one of those jungle gym/open-air fun houses built in 1982, and never updated to reflect new trends or movies—just as it should be. If only there were more places in the world trapped in the 1980s. It’s not just the beach that I love, it’s the personal nostalgia quest.

HOT BEACH THING #4: SALEM ALEIKUM

Another fun house, this time with an Aladdin’s Lamp theme. I’ve always thought the fun house itself was kind of crappy, but I have no shortage of love for the gigantic genie dude atop the building.

I also have love for these dudes:

But I have no love for the barrel tunnel:

Traumatic childhood story. This is one of those tunnels that spins while you sprint across it. Once, when I was a kid, I became paralyzed by the thought of it. I was walking through the fun house happily, when suddenly I stopped in front the tunnel, and just quivered in my Nikes. I was absolutely terrified of running through. I mean, the thing was spinning—fast. That’s just not smart to run through. I could fall and crack my head open. Or rather, what I imagined, I’d somehow spin upside down with the barrel, something like when my hamster would run on his hamster wheel, and I would cruelly spin it around. He went upside down with it! So funny! And now here I was, staring down my own hamster wheel, knowing payback was a bitch.

My sister ran through the hamster wheel tunnel unfazed, but I cowered before it. After a few minutes, my parents began yelling for me to hurry up and run through. But I still refused. I became convinced that they’d have to leave me behind—that I’d be stuck here in Salem Aleikum forever. Eventually, the ride attendant turned the tunnel off, and I sauntered through, playing it cool, as though I hadn’t just had a big baby scene in front of the whole park.

The next year, they added a second tunnel with a bridge:

SEE I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE. THAT SHIT IS TERRIFYING.

HOT BEACH THING #5: HIMALAYA PEOPLE

Here’s one that’s possibly unchanged since the 1960s. The ride is the Himalaya—a spinning ride that revolves around these painted 1960s twentysomethings frolicking in the snow. Just think, if they were real people, they would be in their 70s by now. It’s about 4:30pm right now as I write this, which means these people would be at the Da Vinci’s restaurant getting the early bird special.

HOT BEACH THING #6: LET’S GO JUNGLE

Let’s Go Jungle is a two-player shooter arcade game where you shoot gigantic mutant spiders with machine guns, and then in what seems like pure Japanese fashion, you get a love compatibility score with your game partner. We just discovered this game, and have pumped several bucks into it so far. I’m not even into shooter or arcade games, but this one is great fun. Giant Tarantulas! Machine guns! LOVE COMPATIBILITY SCORE. Let’s Go Jungle. DO IT.

HOT BEACH THING #7: FROG BOG

I love this game. You throw down a hammer to catapult a frog onto a rotating lillypad platform. I won it once, and I’ve been trying to recapture the glory ever since.

HOT BEACH THING #8: FROG NIPPLES

The girlfriend: “Whoa, check out the nipples on that frog.”
Me: “TAKE A PICTURE IT’S TOTALLY ON MY LIST OF HOT BEACH THINGS.”

Advertisements

11 responses to “The Surfing Pizza Reporting From The Shore – Day 3

  1. Excellent. These recaps have revived my spiritual 12-year-old self, and it’s as if I’m there with you. Have some Thrashers for me!

  2. Those are some big ole tittyballs on that frog…wait, did I say that out loud?

  3. I love those walk through attractions at old school amusement parks. My favorite is Noah’s Ark, located in Pittsburgh PA’s Kennywood. its been there since 1935 and is the last of its kind in North America, so it always seems like a special treat when I get to go on it.

  4. Sorry. What? Oh, commenting, right…I was distracted. Himalaya guy is trying to cop a feel. You go, Grandpa!

  5. If I ever start a list of things I never expect my girlfriend to say, it will include “Whoa, check out the nipples on that frog.”

  6. Why do I love this post? Because motherfucking frog nips! Great series, Pizza, can’t wait to see today’s.

  7. I can’t stop commenting on your beach posts :) The frog bar and grill is on our must-hit list every summer. They have great wings and we like the tucked away location.

    And yeah, I have my own traumatic genie wheel story. At least one. So take comfort in knowing you’re not alone.

    Looking forward to the next post!

  8. You make me want to go to Ocean City really bad, even though I am sure I don’t want to go to Ocean City.

  9. Pingback: Monday’s Top 5 | The Happy Logophile

  10. be not ashamed of yer trepidation at the hands of the evil spinning tunnel, for i too have trembled before its lumbering terror!!! in orlando, FL. we have one of those hands-on science museum type places called ‘wonderworks’… yAy…sounds like fun huh?the outside of the building is even designed to resemble an upside-down building that got all kinds of fucked up in some sort of ‘lets pretend there’s some kind of fault-line action going on beneath this city in central florida’ mega-earthquake….its neat, its fun, its good times for the local stoner set…furniture on the ceiling in the entryway…cool.. but in order to get from the initial first room where you pay the nice lady to the rest of the attraction, you must endure one of those tunnels of doom… but this one is all blacklight glowy and strobe lighted as well…double terror, especially if you are prone to seizures… i had to have 2 friends drag me kicking and screaming with my eyes extra double shut in order to gain access to the awesomeness of the places inner-core…so YEAH – if you plan on taking a trip to florida, watch out!!! don’t say no one warned you!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s