I’ve been reviewing a lot of cheap candy on the blog. I’ll confess. It’s because I’m cheap. If you came here looking to read about top-shelf goodies this Halloween, you’ll have to check out other glossier blogs. I’m like Weekly World News over here, and I’m quite possibly making all of this up. I’m digging deep into the bowels of the dollar stores for this stuff, and today’s post is no exception. This is Cookies ‘n Scream, what the bag describes as creamy candy with cookie bits.
These are made by RM Palmer, a candy company that puts all its effort into the shiny foil wrappers. The candy underneath is made from vegetable oil posing as chocolate. RM Palmer is made from the cheapest stuff on earth, and as you can see, this bag of Cookies ‘n Scream cost a whole dollar. I picked these up at the Dollar General, a store that I now suspect doubles as a methadone clinic Wednesdays at lunchtime.
Oh great, there’s a feather in the bag. No seriously, my candy came with an awesome bird feather. Now I think I understand all the horrified faces. And aside from that bonus feather, the bag also contained about nine candies, which is kind of stingy.
And now, the world’s first look at a Cookies ‘n Scream. Regardless of the face on the wrapper, all the candies underneath are this little guy with a smiling face.
Scared on the outside, pleasantly content on the inside. Skeletons process feelings differently than we do.
As far as taste, I liked it. The candy is creamy and milky, and the microscopic “cookie bits”—which I don’t think are cookies at all—do evoke a cookies and cream flavor. I can’t speculate what the cookies bits might be made of. Little crunchy things. That’s what they are.
Next, we have something that cost two dollars from the Dollar General, these generic Pop Rocks called Monster Poppers. I fell in love with the bag and the monster balls on front. They’re clearly based on Madballs. My favorite is the purple one with those very kissable lips. The green one has good teeth. The red one is bloodthirsty.
Each small pack comes with a pinch of fake Pop Rocks, which is surprisingly a satisfying amount, and does the same amount of work as real Pop Rocks. No popping or crackling lost here.
The flavors are decent, too. Monster Poppers come in a grape, strawberry, and apple flavors, and each is tart and tasty.
And we all know what Pop Rocks look like, but here they are, the generic version. What surprises me is how much of that mixture is simply pure sugar.
Fifty-five packs of generic Pop Rocks.
Nine Cookies ‘n Scream.
One Bird Feather.
I am very lucky.