Gummy and stretchy! There’s two words that are utterly, completely Halloween. They also describe foods that old people eat. All other words are dead to me.
Tonight I’m reviewing gummy take-out fried noodles. At some point I have to stand up and say enough with the cutesy candies that are pretending to be other foods. But I cannot resist. I’m weak. I’m human. Gummy candy makers, I’d like to see you do a version of a beef goulash. Or what about sweet and spicy cocktail meatballs?
Yes, I was reading the 1977 Betty Crocker Cookbook today.
The level of detail that went into this candy just amazes me. It is beyond the detail that went into some great works of art. There’s the take-out box, the mini-chopsticks, the candy sauce packet, the gummy noodles. You’ve even got your protein here with the eyeballs. It’s adorable, really. In fact, it is so adorable, it makes me want to put on a Hello Kitty shirt and squeal.
So here is the finished product. As far as taste, it’s the standard bland gummy fare—-tough, chewy, and tasteless. The candy sauce is a green apple flavor and adds a lube to it to the dry candy. So there you have it. Dump it in, lube it up, and tweeze it out with the useless plastic chopsticks.
It just felt right to stick this in the refrigerator. It makes a great “refrigerator decoration,” and when you think about it, the refrigerator is really an underutilized part of the house when it comes to decorating.
Now let’s get to the stretchy segment of our evening.
Stretchy miniature body parts. Yes, please. I found these at the Dollar Tree. I fancy myself a tastemaker of Halloween junk, so I declare miniature stretchy body parts as IN this year. Large stretchy body parts are SO last year.
I have no idea what I’ll do with them. Well, that’s a lie because they’ll be the centerpiece of the dining table for the rest of month. Or at least the rest of time until the girlfriend removes them, claiming she doesn’t want to see severed body parts while she’s eating. Which will be soon.
Weirdly enough, the eyeball was the only body part to come individually wrapped. Probably to protect the cornea. Those things are really sensitive. And if your eyeball ever dislodges, don’t try to put it back in. I learned that from a CNN article.
For dollar store toys, each piece has a surprising level of detail, like the taste buds on the tongue or the lines in the palm of the hand. My favorite is the tongue, and I think you could reasonably convince someone it was a real tongue, if that person was five years old. And I intend the scare the crap out of a five year old. Which will be soon.
Oh yes, Halloween. It will be soon.