Forget Rumble in the Jungle.
Forget The Thrilla in Manila.
This is the one.
This is the biggest.
Two classics from your childhood…
Two beloved cereal mascots…
Two Special Halloween Editions…
Two big, non-nutritive bowls of sugar…
are about to go…
HEAD TO HEAD.
Halloween Crunch !!!!!!!!!!!!
The box is great. The Cap’n is part werewolf, and not a detail is missed. He’s got fur sprouting all over, even fangs. He’s against a spooky night backdrop, and the logo is green and creepy.
The selling point is the Crunchberries in the shape of ghosts that transform the milk GREEN. Ooooh. Oooooooooh. OOOOOOH. Actually, I don’t know how I feel about that. Leaky food dye kind of grosses me out. But maybe it will be really cool.
Bottom line: This box puts me in a Halloween mood, and I’m looking forward to Crunchberry Ghosts haunting my cereal.
First impression. Whoa. BooBerry, is that you? Why did they make him look like a creepy Uncle Chester with plastic surgery? Boo Berry’s new look is awful. He’s nearly unrecognizable, and also just very creepy, and not in a fun Halloween way. Also, the yellow eyes are a sign of jaundice, which is caused from drinking too much.
As for the rest of the box, the haunted house looming in the background is pretty cool, but minimalist. Give us some detail. And where’s the gimmicky promise? Where’s the toy? Where’s the gasping advertisement that this box is packed with sugary marshmallows? What’s in it for me?
Bottom line: Hey bitches, it’s me Boo Berry. Buy my cereal.
EDGE: Halloween Crunch.
BACK OF THE BOX:
The Cap’n has a convoluted card game where you cut out the cards and arrange them to create various monsters. Don’t play it. It’s rigged. A haunted maze would have been better. Just sayin’.
Bottom line: This is still better than a link to a website where you play a flash game of the same thing.
A comic strip depicting Uncle Chester—I mean Boo Berry, wearing a child’s face as a mask. General Mills, I’m less in a Halloween mood by the minute. At least we get brief appearances by our other old friends, Count Chocula and Frankenberry. But there’s some friends missing. This trio of monster cereals were once a quartet, filled out by Fruit Brute—though I think he had drug habit, because he was kicked out of the group to be replaced by the Fruity Yummy Mummy in 1987.
Bottom line: Bring back the Yummy Mummy, and then we’ll talk.
EDGE: Halloween Crunch
The look is bland, limp, dull. The Crunchberries are not trying very hard to look like ghosts. They just look like malformed turds in a bowl of bland little squares that hurt my mouth when I chew. I have sensitive gums.
Taste: Regular old Cap’n Crunch. Nothing special here. I’m waiting for my milk to turn green before I can make a complete judgment. The clock is ticking, Cap’n.
In the meantime, let’s take a look at Boo Berry:
As you can see, this one is instantly more warm-blooded. The cereal is bright blue, with discernible ghost shapes, and even some nice contrast by the two-toned marshmallows to set it off. Also, as far as milk transformation, though not advertised, the milk turns blues instantaneously. Oooooooh. Oooooooh. OOOOOOOHHHH.
Here’s a loosely-related a fun fact: when Franken Berry Cereal was introduced in 1971, it contained a pink dye that was not digestible, causing your poop to turn bright pink. Oooooh. Oooooh. OOOOOHHHH.
Taste: Corn balls. But they’re bright blue. And there’s marshmallows.
Bottom line: It’s going to be pretty hard to beat blue dye and marshmallows.
Meanwhile, ten minutes into the transformation process, the ghostly Crunchberries still have not transformed my milk:
Bottom line: I mean, I can see where it’s trying to go with this thing, but overall, I’m just left with the feeling that my Crunchberries are defective.
Halloween Crunch packs 100 calories in a serving of 3/4 of cup. BooBerry is more straight and honest, listing 130 calories in a full cup. Crunch has 1.5g of fat, while BooBerry has only 1. Both contain similar amounts of sugar (12g), fiber (1g), and sodium (200g). Forget what I said about both being big bowls of sugar. Let me correct myself. These are actually big bowls of salt.
NUTRITIONAL EDGE: EVEN.
In the 1980s and 90s, the Monster Cereals used to be on the grocery store shelves all year long. They were discontinued slowly over the years until they only became Halloween annuals. We’re all still a little bitter about that. Cap’n Crunch, on the other hand, has never left us.
Cap’n Crunch never delivers on the promises on the box, and the Crunchberries never look like anything except Crunchberries. But the Cap’n does deliver regular special editions such as Baseball Crunch and Christmas Crunch.