Ninja Turtles Doing Christmas Stuff

I want to show you these Ninja Turtle ornaments I found. One of our holiday traditions each year is new each pick out a new ornament for the tree–not like some crap from the pharmacy that comes in a box of six, but something that’s actually nice. (The post is titled TMNT Ornaments? Why yes…)

We go to this tree nursery that’s an ornament emporium. There’s lights, Christmas music, and 6943 coughing children. Last year I chose an M&M dressed like Elvis. Last year the girlfriend chose something a 90 year old grandma would pick out. This year I was going to go for 2009 Budweiser Clydesdales bulb. This year the girlfriend was going to go for something a 90 year old grandma would pick out.

But I saw Leonardo and it was a game changer.

Then I saw the other 3. What originally began as a quest to find The One ornament was now a quest to justify buying four. At $8 a pop.

No justification needed here. As you can see, this Michaelangelo is pretty much tailored for my life. He’s holding a glittery pizza, on The Surfing Pizza Christmas Tree. This gets me thinking. I know there is such a thing as edible glittter. Maybe I ought to make a real life glittery pizza for my post-XMAS bash.

For the record, the Surfing Pizza Christmas Tree is crap this year. It’s a small plastic tree. I hate plastic trees, but I’ve got no space this year for a real tree. I’ll give it this–the tree ain’t trying to be something it’s not. Those green squares aren’t supposed to mimic or resemble pine needs. It was a Wal-Mart special. $14.99. I loaded it with tinsel to see if it helped some.

Donatello’s bo staff as a candy cane is a brilliant touch. Another brilliant touch is my own here–I hung him over the manger. He totally witnessed the birth of baby Jesus. It was in episode 6 of the original Ninja Turtles cartoon.

I’m loving Santa Raph too. Merry Christmas to me. They’re a team. At $32 a pop. I’m sure I’ve overpaid. Those damn emporium prices. They’re charging you hidden fees for their delightful Christmas music and the joyous experience of 3358 children coughing on you. In fact, there’s no way in hell these things are worth as much as dinner at the Olive Garden.

But I’m overthinking it. It’s freaking Christmas, a time to waste money and loathe yourself. I’ve already promised the girlfriend that I think she’s going to hate all her gifts. She promised me that I’ll hate all mine too. AWESOME. (I know I’ll love mine. I think she might like 42.5 percent of hers.)

I just had another idea for a great post: The Surfing Pizza Drunk Wraps. I just don’t have enough time for all my genius. POST X-MAS BASH? U THERE?

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8 responses to “Ninja Turtles Doing Christmas Stuff

  1. We didn’t even get our tree up this year, which is kind of depressing.

    Then again it’s kind of payback for not taking our tree down until Valentine’s Day last year.

  2. All we put up this year was the tree… And that’s because we won it at a charity auction and it was pre-decorated!

    I’m really interested in your fruit cake findings, Pizza. Never had any myself either and I never will but I find it fascinating no one will own up to eating it, yet tons of it is sold every year.

  3. My Dad got a fruitcake from his parents for Christmas when he was 12 or 13, and he cried.

    True story.

  4. I love fruitcake. A faux-relative used to bake one and send it to us. Store bought fruitcake is gross, but the home baked one was MMM. She sent me the recipe once, but my mom lost it before it was in my possession… perhaps purposefully.

  5. Get the Claxton fruitcake. And the Hostess.

  6. I love fruitcake. Especially the one from Costco.
    The glitter pizza idea is awesome!

  7. f’n phenomenal! I love those Ninja Turtles ornaments. I really need to invest in some ornaments that are more pop culture oriented. I have Flintsones ornaments from when I was a little kid but that’s about it. More recently I have obtained Batman and Robin, Ralphie from A Christmas story, and a Star Wars Revenge of the Sith x-mas ball.

  8. We own Michaelangelo! I got him on sale, after Christmas one year!

    PS…. I’ve been reading your blog (every single archive) since you were Freshly Pressed a couple of weeks ago. Not only do I love how you write, but really enjoy the rando topics you choose to write about. Except for your disdain for Billy Joel…. that was rough.

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