Halloween Kazoos!


Halloween Kazoos are a brilliant idea and–without overstatement–the greatest innovation in trick-or-treat of the last decade. I’ve seen a lot of dumb things in the stores this year too. Boxes of crayons? Mini-velvet coloring pages? Mini playing cards? No kid wants that stuff. But every kid wants an annoying noisemaker with cartoon bats on it. Yes, I speak for all children now.

Just as I’ve been eating and sampling all the candy and items I’ve bought so far for Halloween, I wanted to try these too. I was just gonna give it a blow, wipe it off, and stick it back in the bag. It meant some kid, somewhere, was going to get a used kazoo. I realized that this was gross, but it was just gonna be one little blow. And I was going to wipe it off. By Halloween next week, any sort of lingering bacteria would be long dead.

Besides, parents are supposed to teach their kids to wash things first. I learned the hard way. Big Bad Wolf Coaster Souvenir Cup. Coke. Strange chunk.

But after giving the kazoo one blow, I realized it was THE FUNNEST THING EVER. Instantly, I had ideas of starting the world’s largest kazoo band, but it already exists. I was going to settle for doing a kazoo version of Metallica’s Enter Sandman, but that already exists too. I am totally keeping the kazoo for myself, so rest assure–there is not an unsuspecting child out there getting a used kazoo with my spit on it. (Which is considered an honor in some societies.)

(Societies run by dogs.)

But you gotta figure unsuspecting children get shit handed to them all the time. There’s even a show about it. America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Have a great weekend ya’ll.

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