Be A Kitchen

The girlfriend doesn’t know what to be for Halloween. She asks everyone, even strange dogs on the street–possibly leading me to believe she’s schizophrenic. She asked her mother too.

“You know what I always suggested. Be a kitchen,” she said.

I thought this was hilarious. Her mother owned a book of crafty Halloween costume ideas for kids, and one of these ideas was a kitchen. Growing up, her mother always suggested being a kitchen. It involved taking a couple of utensils and somehow attaching them to the child. A colander became a hat. A spatula or whisk could become involved; anything from the kitchen could become involved. Except the serrated knife, which was for bread only.

I cannot find any instances on the internet of personified kitchen Halloween costumes. This could be the year she goes as a kitchen, thus being an internet first, and possible internet sensation. I can see it on Digg now. The girlfriend, with a colander on her head, though it may possibly lead one to believe she’s schizophrenic.

There could be so many variations on it, like Dirty Kitchen. No, that’s not the naughty version of the kitchen costume, it’s just unswept cat hair, spaghetti stains, and an unwashed plate attached to your body.

This made me think back if there was ever anything my own mother always encouraged me or my sister to be. We did have a standby cape that was worked into several costumes throughout the years. Originally used as my vampire costume, it was also used for a monster costume, my sister’s witch costumes, and as something to put on the dog when no one was looking.

My joke was always that I was going to be a toilet for Halloween.

I guess I wasn’t the only one with that joke. Toilet costumes for children exist at Target.


You know what sucks? They couldn’t even find a cute kid to model for this costume. Depressing. It actually says “take the toilet bowl for a little stroll.” I’m not kidding.

Here’s something else I’m not kidding about:


I find it hard to sleep at night.

One thought on “Be A Kitchen

  1. Fairly certain I don’t fit the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia. However, I am not past the onset age range for women, so you never know. :)

    Maybe this will be the year of the kitchen. Mom has been dying to make me this costume for two decades now.

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