You’ll Die Laughing.

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School days. You wore your costume to class, paraded briefly around the playground, drank some Hi-C (for the time renamed as Monster Punch), and got a ditto with some Halloween jokes. The teacher pretended like it was going to be homework–actual homework on Halloween–but Thank God it was just some stupid jokes.

Why did the ghost take his family on a elevator ride every day?
To raise their spirits.

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch

When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone

Why did Dracula’s mother give him cough medicine?
Because he was having a coffin fit.

Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.

Dracula decided he need a dog, which breed did he choose?
A blood hound.

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.

What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs!

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart.

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetite!

What does Mrs Ghost serve for dessert?
Ice scream

What do fishermen say on Halloween?
‘Trick-or-trout!’

Where do spooks go to post a parcel?
The ghost office.

What did the vampire say to the Invisible Man?
‘Long time, no see!’

Why is Dracula so unpopular?
Because he’s a pain in the neck!

What runs around a cemetery but doesn’t move?
A fence!

What did the mother ghost say her children?
‘Don’t spook until you’re spooken to.’

What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?
Lazy bones.

What’s a skeleton’s favourite musical instrument?
A trom-bone!

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centres.

Why don’t skeletons like parties?
They have no body to dance with.

What was the favourite game at the ghosts’ birthday party?
Hide and shriek.

What do the birds sing on Halloween?
Trick or tweet.

Why do mummies make good employees?
They get all wrapped up in their work.

Who did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up!

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4 responses to “You’ll Die Laughing.

  1. “Trick-or-trout”! CLASSIC!

  2. Hey, did you see my “The Count” pumpkin posted over on fb? Or even better, my friend Jill’s MJ Thriller pumpkin? I posted that one too.

  3. love these! I’ve been looking for some jokes to put in treat bags, these are great, thanks

  4. Very good info. Lucky me I found your blog by chance (stumbleupon).
    I’ve saved as a favorite for later!

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