Creepy Freaks are part of some trading game for kids, a game where each collectible figure upon the roll of a six-sided die has different movement capabilities and weaknesses. To me they’re just awesome little toys. They’re somewhat older too, circa 2003.
I’ve had them in my possession for a few months now, waiting to exhibit them on The Pizza, and though they’re not specifically meant for Halloween, they felt right for the Halloween Countdown. So let’s meet the Creepy Freaks, 3D versions of the gross-out trading cards of yore.
From the website, Creepy Freaks are:
The bump under your bed, the strange gurgle in the toilet and that creepy smell from the basement – they’re all the work of monsters! With the Creepy Freaks collectible monster game you can travel to the land of the monsters and command those gross ghouls and goblins in Freak-Out duels to see who is the scariest monster of all.
There were 56 figures in all to collect, and they came in “boo-ster” packs to collect more.
Above is Drippy the Pusman, a big pile of pus in a top hat. Genius, right? Drippy’s special move is the pus smother. Also, his other secrets are looking dapper in that hat, and offering children candy.
Also from the body secretions lineup is… Booger Man:
One of unique problems of Creepy Freaks is the need to artistically render distinctions between pus and snot. Here, with the Booger Man, they’ve chosen to make boogers bright green, signs of a nasty bacterial virus. Booger Man is also a cyclops, and doesn’t appear to have a preferred finger to pick his nose; he uses them all. His move is the Booger Flick.
While I don’t know the actual rules or mechanics of the Creepy Freaks game, I suspect the Pus Smother has one over the Booger Flick. You could quite easily dodge the flick, but avoiding the smother would be harder. It reminds me of a Would You Rather question, like, would you rather take a bath in your own vomit, or eat a bowl of your boogers? Would you rather be smothered in pus, or have bright green boogers flicked at you? The Surfing Pizza is now the Surfing 10 Year Old with a Potty Mouth.
Speaking of which, Meet John:
John’s weapon is the Plunger Throw. I’ve always had a love for toy toilets. I don’t know why. I’m just a weirdo. Again, the joy for detail on these things: John is wielding a plunger AND a bowl cleaner, covered in the same gook gushing out of him, which means he’s not afraid to use it. The teeth–ah, the classic toliet monster.
Plunger Throw in the scheme of things? It seems like you could dodge it as easily as the booger flick. Pus smother is still the worst. Although I do think that if you got hit with John’s plunger, it would be far more lethal than Booger Man’s boogers. I may be overthinking it. I’m tempted to have a poll.
Next I’ve got Fish Face, whose move is the dead fish slap. He reminds me of the sort of villains from 80s cartoons. At first, Fish Face seems the most intimidating with his toothy evil face, but if you’ll notice, he’s wearing swimmies. This means he’s just a kid, so he can’t give you too much trouble. Dead fish slap? Could be stinky. The fish would have x’s in the eyes to show deadness.
I only have 5 Creepy Freaks in my possession, and the last one here is a baby:
Teether, a little baby gremlin. All together now: awwwwwwwwwwww. But here’s a warning–sometimes the little ones are a bitch. Like pistachios. You ever try to open the shells on the little pistachos? You’ll break your thumbnail off.
Favorite detail: the teddy bear also has fangs! His move is bloodsucking.
Okay, I think this is all very important enough to warrant a poll. So do your part for your country and VOTE. Feel free to vote 600 times if you feel really strong for one. I will think you’re a weirdo, but it’s okay, because I can’t tell who votes for what.
PS: I believe we also have an “under the table” poll going, and feel free to post your answer in the comments….would you rather take a bath in your puke or eat a bowl of your boogers? I’d really like to know. I’ll post my answer there too.