Return of Shark Monday

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It’s Shark Monday again everyone. I’ve got more shark things to show you.

Yesterday we went to aquarium for Valentine’s Day. I’ve been wanting to go, but needed a special occasion to justify the thirty dollar price tag. Throw in lunch and a souvenir, and I’m looking at the most expensive day of my life. I had a perfect lunch though — a jumbo pretzel and a strawberry soda. The soda was an astonishing $3.25 — as much as admission to the freaking dolphin show, and believe me, the dolphin show was nothing to write home to Mom about. There was not a single dolphin jumping through flaming hula hoops.

The aquarium was packed, a cesspool full of coughing children. Kids were going nuts, kissing the glass tanks, banging on them, and just pawing all over the place. I kept thinking of the scene in Free Willy where the kids are banging on the glass and Free Willy flips the fuck out. But none of these fish had it in them.

When we first got inside the aquarium, we were so amazed at everything that we took like 50 pictures of a bunch of turtles and fish. There was one turtle that had a weird, long neck. We called him Snake Turtle. He was one of my favorites.

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After five levels of fish, they all began to look the same. Fish are stupid. Sharks were the last exhibit and totally worth the wait. I wanted to see a Hammerhead, but they didn’t have one. I also wanted to see a Megalodon, but they’re extinct. Megalodons were huge, could swallow 4 whales at once, and had livers that weighed 2000 lbs. Not shitting you.

However, here is something shitting you–you have to watch this. It’s funny as hell. I’m not sure what B-Movie this is. A shark swallows a man on a jet ski whole though. It’s so worth a minute of your life.

UPDATE: The movie is called Red Water, starring Lou Diamond Phillips and Kristy Swanson (of the original Buffy movie!). Man, did Lou purposely do all these B-films in some sort of ironic knowingness?

After the aquarium, we continued the nautical theme to the day by eating a “class act” dinner at Red Lobster. The wait was two hours, and if you have ever wondered what sort of jackasses would wait two hours to eat at a Red Lobster, wonder no more. We weren’t sat until 9:30pm. I had a Long Island Iced Tea and popcorn shrimp.

Now, here’s my “shark thing” of the week — a Hammerhead biter/gripper. I bought this guy at the aquarium’s gift shop, and I noticed he was very expressive and a bit of a ham on camera.

The Many Moods of a Hammerhead Shark:

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happy.

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agony.

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hungry.

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pensive.

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chatty.

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repentant.

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surfing usa.

Happy Shark Monday!

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5 responses to “Return of Shark Monday

  1. I like chatty.

  2. personally, i’m most proud of surfing usa.

  3. The clip is from a HORRIBLE movie entitled ‘Red Water’, starring Lou Diamond Phillips and Kristi Swanson. Damn, how Buffy has fallen. :) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365677/

  4. Nice. I can’t believe you knew that. I’m totally netflixing Red Water and getting drunk.

  5. It reminded me of my childhood days, thanks for such an awesome post, I am bookmarking you, will surely be back again, thanks.

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