Sticker are one of mankind’s greatest inventions. They made ’em in scratch n sniff, in puffy, in 3D, in googly eyes, and in all sizes, characters, and cartoons. You decorated your notebooks with them, your face, and to your mother’s chagrin, your headboard and mirror.
The advanced sticker users among us went a step further. We made sticker albums. This is my childhood sticker collection. I always thought I would one day do something with the stickers I was saving. I think I wanted to become a part of the stickers; I wanted to interact with them somehow.
Stickers were big business when I was a kid. They were like drugs and you needed your fix. More importantly, they said something about who you were. Even today, if you get a sticker from someone, you wanna brag about it, whether you’re 5 or 65. Not much older than that though, because old people can’t tell what the stickers are supposed to be.
“What is that, a little dog?”
“No, grandma, it’s a Triceratops!”
Here’s one I got for being super:
There was always an allure to anything with an adhesive backing. Post-its, name labels, Chiquita Banana stickers. I used to beg for the banana with the sticker, if just to stick it on the back of my hand for a few minutes before it fell off.
Doctors, Dentists, the Easter Bunny, and anything else that makes kids cry gives out stickers. Dentists are assholes about it because their stickers say you can’t eat food for 30 minutes, and they act like giving you this is a grand prize. And it’s always at the point you’re the starvingest.
Anyway, that’s enough history of stickers 101. Here are some beached whales. Get it? They’re lying on the beach, on beach towels of course. And an awesome Beach Native sticker. God I love that one. It’s so early 90s, so X-treme sports.
There were people who made their name designing stickers, like Lisa Frank. Lisa Frank stickers was marketed towards girls, and were instantly recognizable by the rainbow-spewing unicorns and teddy bears in top hats. But here is a rare “boy version” of Lisa Frank stickers.
I designed this bad ass van myself. I probably spent 45 minutes on it, making sure I got it just right. Having no friends, you had to stretch the day out, making the good stuff last. Maybe one day, when I’m rich, I’ll design an exact replica of this. I have to admit, that Saturn planet is a nice touch next to the eagle.
Here’s the Elvis, Beatles, and Led Zeppelin of my childhood, a rock god himself, Chuck E. Cheese. Maybe rock god is too dramatic. It was just a pimply 18 year old kid in a sweaty puppet costume at a cesspool pizza joint.
A fun page. There’s a Winged Dragon Karate Club sticker, the place where I took karate lessons. Remember, I was a Ninja Turtle; I loved the philosophy behind karate, and I took it very seriously. It was an ancient art meant to be respected, and not simply about getting riled up on Cokes & Hershey bars and flying around kicking everything.
Then there’s also some duck stickers with what look to be Duck Puns. Wisequacks. Duckorating. Fowl Ball. And I wish it was pictured here, but there’s also a Dracula duck that says–you can guess this one–Count Duckula. Beautiful. And then there’s a scratch n sniff Cabbage Patch. Kinda Corny! This must be the pun page. The sticker does not smell anymore, but as I recall, the popcorn sniff stickers always sort of smelled like oil and chalk.
Then I’ve got some Easter stickers, and man, these stickers love puns. What’s Hoppening and Hoppy Easter. You can see that generally, I wasn’t too creative with the album-making; I just peeled the stickers off the sheets and lopped them on the paper. But I was indiscriminate about my stickers too — Ninja Turtles, definitely. Ducks playing baseball, check. Easter Bunnies riding motorcycles, why the fuck not?
And then here’s some egg stickers. I wanted to make this one egg look like his gut was busting open. Another good one is that weird smile with the gold tooth, saying “I’m a Good Egg”. I’m skeptical. Trust no one with a gold tooth. You learned that shit in Home Alone.
Then here’s some dinosaurs. As well as a Ninja Turtle, I was a dinosaur too. What’s interesting here is that these stickers are likely post-Jurassic Park. Before that movie, dinosaurs were depicted as cartoony and doing wacky things like riding unicycles. When Jurassic Park came out, everyone crapped their pants over how real the dinosaurs looked. And they weren’t cute creatures. They ripped your face off. From then on, dinosaurs were depicted in realistic colors, and instead of riding unicycles, they did dinosaur things, like strike defensive poses. And rip faces.
Man, I love being a dinosaur.
Here’s another dinosaur. This is cool sticker because it’s one of the kinds you had to lick yourself in order to stick. I loved licking stickers, stamps, envelopes. I liked the glue flavor. Explains a lot, I know.
Well, I’ll end this entry with a simple favorite. Something about this guy warms my bivalves in my heart.
Man, I love being a snowman.