I got so many awesome gifts that I probably don’t deserve. I dig these gifts so much, I wanted to show them off. Blogging and gifts, goes together like crackers and cheese.

First, I got a Wii. What a surprise! The parents gave it to me. They must like me, or are trying to buy my silence on this blog. I got it for my birthday, which was yesterday, the 29th. My birthday is sort of like the Keno bonus to Christmas. We had dinner at a seafood restaurant which has a killer harpoon on the wall. The 29th is my mother’s birthday as well. She got a gleaming penguin cookie jar. The thing reflects the light of Jesus. The waitress would come over with drink refills and comment on the gifts. She liked the penguin and Wii. Now, you know you got someone a good gift when the waitress provides special oohs and aahs.

In the photograph, also shown are the other video game-related gifts I recieved for Christmas: Donkey Kong Country for the SNES, and The Ultimate History of Video Games.


I’ve never played anything more advanced than a 16-bit, and the Sega Genesis still feels daringly new to me. As you can see, I’m still playing with cartridges. (That’s playing with power.) I feel bad because I was going to spend the evening reaquainting myself in Donkey Kong Country, but now I’m going to spend the evening making a Mii and trying to bowl with it. Somewhere in there I have to do stupid shit like eat dinner and do wash.

I’m eager to try out some of these newfangled games. Now I just need to take out a small loan to afford a decent selection of games and extras. I’m researching right now what will be my best investments. The Wii remote charger? Do I need it? The classic controller? The Wii fit? Mario Kart is the only sure thing. What should I get?

I got some other very cool toys–a Venom figure with 45,350 points of articulation, an Indiana Jones Cairo Swordsman, a Wall-E figure, a Jurassic Park ViewMaster gift set.


Waitaminute. I said a JURASSIC PARK VIEWMASTER GIFT SET. Holy shit! It is so rad. Here’s a closeup. It’s a truly inspired gift from the girlfriend.


I also got some new pals to invite to my tea parties — a Jabba Buddy, a plushie Jaws, and a one-eyed monster. Who knew they could make Jabba, Jaws, and cyclopses so damn cute? Apparently, the girlfriend gave me the cyclops “because it looks like [me].” Maybe in the mornings.


In the educational gifts department, I got a book about what The Simpsons teaches us about science and a DVD of Sea Monsters:


And before you think I’m some kind of 12 year old trapped in a 28 year old’s body, I also got some adult gifts, but I just don’t think a picture of Dream Foams “the cadillac of slippers” and a new black sweater is going be of much interest to anyone. The stitching in that sweater is top notch though. But oh I did get some running shoes too. One of The Pizza’s New Year’s resolutions is to go from deep dish to thin crust.

And here’s another adult gift, this totally cool bottle opener dude:


I love Bottle Opener Dude as much as the Wii. Almost.


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