I found these tins with a single cookie inside. To warrant an entire tin for itself, I thought this cookie must be delicious. Cookies have an allure for me. I remembered the cookies of yore, from my school days, sold by the special interest groups, like music class. Not that these cookies were any good–it was just a novelty to buy cookies in 3rd period. Mall Cookies are another fascination of mine, those “cookie cakes” in the glass showcase, crickets chirping around them. Cookie Crisp Cereal, the forbidden fruit of cereals, the taboo of breakfasts, cookies. If you were smiling cute enough, you could probably get away with a piece of cake for breakfast the day after your birthday, but never, ever a cookie.
I had to see the cookie inside this tin. That it was kind a mystery intrigued me all the more. Plus, just look at that tin. It says I Love Cookies with not one, but two exclamation marks. It says Trick or Cookies. Jesus. This is an inspired tin. This tin gets Halloween. You don’t see any goofus-looking Frankensteins with chuckling teeth. You see old-school ghosts. And the tin speaks in the language of children–DOUBLE CHOCOLATE and I LOVE COOKIES. It ain’t gimmicky, it’s just basic kidspeak.
Still, the whole thing was suspiciously generic, even the price of the thing, one dollar. Then you run into the problem of cookies, Halloween, why. Cookies and Christmas. Peeps and Easter. Funsized Bars and Halloween. Sure, there’s been cross-contamination with stupid shit like cookie haunted houses (derived from gingerbread houses) and Peeps Christmas trees. But this is just nothing. The company who made this is The Original Gourmet Food Company. The website looks like it was created in 1996 and hasn’t been updated since. It’s actually a bit eerie. It was in fact updated last in 2005, saying in 20-point purple font “We cannot guarantee Christmas delivery on any Orders received after 12/12/2005″
The website claims to be “Home of the Mighty Morsel” while the tin says it’s “Home of the Original Double Chocolate Chip Cookie”. Sounds like a branding problem. I began to fear my cookie may be an old one, bought long ago in a buyout, discovered in the back of the CVS warehouse, and shipped out to stores.
There she is. I was disappointed the cookie wasn’t even the size of the tin. It was only slightly larger than a Chips Ahoy. Unsurprisingly, it was dry and left a thick, syrupy aftertaste.
Halloween Tin: B+
Cookie: F in harsh red with a circle around it.