The Worst ET Doll Ever Made (and other thoughts).

It’s been said before, but ET made a pretty hot chick.

These are a couple of my ETs above. ET in drag … ET with a speak and spell … and a hostile other species of ET.

What got me thinking of ET was earlier at Target, I saw a father showing his young son the DVD of ET The Extra Terrestial. I fully expected to hear the kid go “ET!!!!!!!!!!” as I did in my head, but instead the kid goes, “what’s that?” My heart dropped. His dad shows him the back, explaining “it’s about a space alien.”

This is a horrible father. It’s not just about an alien. It’s about the friendship between Elliot and ET, OK?  If ET hadn’t visted Elliot, he would have visited me, OK? 

Then the dad explains, “terrestial means earth.” The kid looks at the DVD thoughtfully, as though he’s finally pulling it all together, and says, “extra-earth?” Damn kid, it’s fucking ET, just shut it already.

It utterly humbles me to think that when I was that kid’s age, I considered the Speak and Spell to be the forefront of technology. And it was. I mean, it was an integral component of what Wikipedia calls ET’s “homebuilt interstellar communicator”. I just call it that thing ET phoned home on. Actually, it was a computer-of-the-future that said what you typed in. Let me repeat that. It said what you typed in.

I didn’t even own one. I was just blown away by its advanced capabilities from the movie. I knew interstellar communicators were just fiction back then, but shit, kids today have interstellar communicators in their pockets.

You know, these days it’s possible that ET looks as crappy and dumb to children as Mac and Me looked to me in 1988.

I just knew that was the dumbest, crappiest rip-off ever. What is that thing on that boy’s head?  Is it one of those squeeze stress toys from a gag shop?  Mac and Me. Pffft. Has anyone seen this? Everything about it–even the title–is stealing from ET. Mac stands for Mysterious Alien Creature. His favorite food? Another round, small, colorful candy….Skittles.  This movie was so cheaply made that in one scene, where everyone is munching on a blatant McDonalds product placement, the director holds up several hundred dollar bills in the background as a joke. 

Finally, I’ve got a not-so-exclusive photograph of the worst ET doll ever made:

This is just ET poop.

Or maybe it was just modeled after a pug. Looks like a pug.

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4 responses to “The Worst ET Doll Ever Made (and other thoughts).

  1. I *own* “Mac and Me”!

  2. I have that ET doll. Its eyes are all scratched up because its head is too heavy, so it won’t sit up right. Even though I hate ET and this doll is kind of retarded, I kind of like having it around. No 80s junk collection is complete without some kind of ET crap.

  3. I had that doll and loved the hell out of it. My cousin would make fun of it because he had the “fancy” pleather version. He went so far as to tear one of the eyes off mine, which made me cry hysterically. I never noticed how retarded looking it was until now.

  4. I personally think that the E.T. doll does look like crap only because it looks nothing like E.T. But other than that…I think that it’s insanely cute. The real E.T. was not cute at all.

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