It’s time to announce that the rightful heir to my Ninja Turtles collection will be a first-born son. Yep, we found out we’re having a boy. We’re both pretty excited. It makes me want to give God a high five and say good choice.
I can’t wait to one day take him down to the basement, place my hands on his shoulders, and re-enact this scene from The Lion King:
Mufasa: Look, Simba. Everything the light touches is our kingdom.
Young Simba: Wow.
Mufasa: A king’s time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day, Simba, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new king.
Young Simba: And this’ll all be mine?
Meanwhile, we’ve basically been living in a cocoon, which is also why I haven’t been writing often. The wife is still in doctor-advised rest-mode and outside is eleven degrees, so we basically spend all of our time wrapped in blankets, watching movies, and eating cookies.
Specifically these cookies:
They taste like the root-beer-flavored Dum Dum Pops and Chips Ahoy combined. The combination works better than it has any right to.
Other things that have happened:
- I’m still cooking and preparing all of our meals. I’m actually getting kind of good at it, even if the kitchen remains a perpetual hellscape of dirty dishes.
- We were both vegetarians, but the wife began craving meat and/or having a strong instinct to eat it. In the beginning, she’d started out meekly and healthily with turkey bacon, but she quickly advanced to Philly cheesesteaks and buffalo chicken finger baskets. It’s sort of hilarious. All of her “Your Vegetarian Pregnancy” books have withered away in horror. There is meat-shaming dust in the spot where the books used to be.
- One day the wife was craving cake. So duh, I went to the store and got cake. You’d think this would be easy enough to not screw up, but I did. I bought freezer cake.
“What is that? That’s not cake! That’s freezer cake.”
There was so much disdain dripping from her voice that would you think all the proceeds went to clubbing baby seals.
- We saw Lego Movie. It was great. I was skeptical that it was going to be a clunky-computer-animated gigantic commercial, but it had a lot of heart for a movie about plastic toys.
- Finally, here’s a Pro-tip: Do not text this picture to your pregnant wife.