Pop Rocks For Breakfast

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Every now and then, a new breakfast cereal hits the shelves that makes you question all of your life choices. Poppin’ Fruity Pebbles is that cereal to start off 2014. Released just this January, it combines Fruity Pebbles and Pop Rocks. Forget whole grains. Forget lean proteins. Start your morning jacked-up on a big bowl of rainbow-colored sugar flakes laced with carbon dioxide. Kids, it’s like having drugs for breakfast.

Now, you’d think as a 33-year-old prospective new parent, carbonated rainbow cereal that fizzes down your throat might give me pause. In fact, I did pause, but it was to thank God for finally granting us a socially acceptable way to eat Pop Rocks for breakfast. Forever and ever, amen.

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Of course, there’s no way in hell I’d feed this to a child. If Child Protective Services ever makes a house visit, the first thing they do is peek into the pantry and see if you’ve got any boxes of Poppin’ Fruity Pebbles. It’s on the checklist next to reckless endangerment.

My mother never let us eat Cookie Crisp cereal. As far as breakfast went, she considered it a gateway drug.

And I have finally made my way to heroin.

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The carbonated pieces are those bright green balls. They pack a nice fizz without it being overwhelming. Other reviews online that I’ve read have been disappointed by the overall lack of popping, but if you mainline a few cups of black coffee with it, you’ll get yourself just right.

To sum it up:

It sounds like: rock and roll.

It looks like: Christmas morning.

It smells like: unicorns.

It tastes like: gingivitis, or maybe I just need to go to the dentist. All I know is my gums hurt after eating this cereal.

It feels like: depression. Seriously, you’ll be coming down all morning after eating this.

Should you eat this: Yes…no…YOLO. (Circle one.)

This cereal in gif form:

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17 responses to “Pop Rocks For Breakfast

  1. I loved this post and the seizure-inducing gif! I’ll take your word for the cereal’s awesomeness!

  2. Thanks for the morning laugh. Monday’s need it!!

  3. And its so much cheaper than cocaine. So many pros.

  4. Is it audible? Mainly, is this a suitable desk food? I wanna let my coworkers know that I like to party but don’t want to disturb them.

  5. This stuff looks scary! I love the gif, I think it perfectly encapsulates this cereal. And Gooch, I’d be best friends with anyone who ate this stuff at work.

  6. This obviously needs to be mixed with Rice Krispies, right…?

  7. It sounds like it needs to have a pocket of pop rocks sprinkled on top.

  8. Now I have to try it, but only while my kids aren’t nearby.

  9. The gif is perfect

  10. Wowza! How can that be sold? Love the dog gif – well put!

  11. emilymullaswilson

    Your posts are always funny, but this one was pee-my-pants hilarious. “It smells like: unicorns. It tastes like: gingivitis. It feels like: depression.”

  12. Love this, as always. My mom wouldn’t let us eat Cookie Crisp, either!

  13. Ahah stumbled across your blog today and glad I did. Put a smile on my face :) you’re now being followed !

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