Important Life Update: I Have Mutagen Ooze

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtlesNickelodeon

So about that new Ninja Turtles cartoon: I dig it. A few months ago I did a post detailing my thoughts on the new toys, and as a cursory thing, I collected all four of the Turtle figures. Alright, AND the Kraang figure, AND a Foot Soldier, AND Metalhead. AND some kind of ninja bike thing. Totally cursory though. Besides, it wasn’t like I was going to watch the cartoon or anything.

Then I admitted I didn’t watch the cartoon in my last blog post. Like I’m the grand hipster of the Ninja Turtles. Like I’m too cool for it, and like I don’t know the aforementioned “ninja bike thing” is in fact a Ninja Stealth Bike that mutates from stealth mode into ninja battle deployment mode. At least two people commented something about it. Even the wife was like “yo, people are calling you out on not watching the Ninja Turtles.” Except she probably didn’t say yo.

So last Saturday morning, I poured myself a bowl of Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch, found the sweet spot on the couch, grabbed the remote….and waited around for three hours. That cartoon doesn’t even come on until eleven eastern time. That’s a luxury, kids. When I was kid, you had to be up at eight in the morning to see the good cartoons. So I sat through something like one million hours of Spongebob and five million commercials for tween shows that profoundly disturbed me. (Hold me, Spongebob.)

Finally, the Turtles came on. Of course, I loved it. It has a lot of throwback to the original series with the trademark goofiness and slapstick, but it’s anchored by themes of growing up and getting along with your siblings. Throw in ninja fights, mutants, and pizza, and it’s not hard to see why the Ninja Turtles are such an enduring franchise. I appreciated the show’s clarity and self-aware humor as well. That’s the thing that always strikes me about many cartoons today; they’re savvy and clever. The stuff we watched as kids was bogged down in tropes and idiocy, with the occasional PSA thrown in like a good-for-you can of spinach.

Now, about that important life update. Yes, I have mutagen ooze.

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Look familiar?

ooze

Playmates must be licking their chops with excitement knowing they’ve got a brand new generation to unleash the same repackaged crap on. And I say “repackaged crap” lovingly. Playmates has the road map to squeezing every last dime and ounce of life from children and their parents. And I say “every last dime and ounce of life” lovingly. I, for one, cannot wait until five years from now when they’re selling dumbed-down dinosaur-themed Turtles and desperate troll versions.

I say “desperate troll” lovingly. I have the complete set of four.

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But I don’t want to be completely cynical about this, even if those smiling troll Turtles are solely responsible for every cynical nerve in my body from a young age. Seriously, I don’t collect this stuff because of happy, cuddly nostalgia. I collect it because of what it did to me, like an old Army vet collects militaria.

Still, I really dig the new mutagen ooze. The packaging is far superior to the original, which came in a dumpy plastic trashcan. The new ooze comes in hip scientific canister.

JUST LOOK AT IT!

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Also, the ooze itself is better. The original stuff was boring green slime. This stuff is shimmery blue. It actually fits the definition of “ooze.”

But the true reason to buy this stuff are the bonus mini-turtles inside. Yes, Mutagen Ooze, you had me at “bonus mini-turtle.” I’d originally purchased only one canister of ooze, but as soon I had a look at the mini-turtle inside, I immediately ran back to Toys R Us and bought three more to have all the Turtles.

Just check these guys out (with M.U.S.C.L.E. figures for reference):

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I know a great collectible when I see it. (And a set of four is already listed on eBay for a cool one-hundred bucks.) These little guys are quality, made from hard plastic and are very detailed. I can’t decide whether to display them with my mini-figures collection or with my Turtles collection.

Here’s a pro-tip if you decide to seek out the four Turtles for yourself. I stood in the Toys R Us aisle for roughly thirty minutes shaking all the ooze canisters trying to get the mini-Turtles into view and using my detective “Turtle clues” to discern which one was contained inside. Or you know, you could just look at the serial number printed on the canister, which ends in A, B, C, or D.

So to recap: new cartoon = good, ooze = sparkly, mini-turtle = investment, and trolls = grizzled war vet. Or something. I just know I’m going to heaven because I’ve been in hell.

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14 responses to “Important Life Update: I Have Mutagen Ooze

  1. Nice find! Down 95, they have yet to restock the TMNT stuff since Christmas. I’ve found 2 Leos who look like they were thrown from moving cars, and a bunch of Kraangs. Still trying to track down Don, and have yet to see the Ooze, but since I know we’re in the same state, I’m excited that I’ll see it soon.

    • Apparently the Splinter figure is the chaser that’s rare. I don’t have Shredder, Splinter or April from the first run. I feel kind of meh about the design of the April and Splinter. The shelves here are complete bare as well (nothing in TRU, Target or Wal-Mart) except for the one stray case of Ooze that was on a random-ass shelf at TRU. I also saw the new Lego sets in both, but I really just want the minifigs and might hold out.

  2. OMG, I didn’t even know this product existed, and I’ve been pouncing all over anything related to the new show (which is totally f*cking awesome, as you’ve likely just discovered). Looks like I need to get my ass to TRU and start inspecting some ooze canisters…

  3. Well, now I know where I’ll be spending part of the paycheck this weekend…

  4. They had these at my ToysRUs recently, but the price wasn’t in the system. I brought one up front and they tried to charge me $9.99 for one! I passed, I’ll wait until they hit anywhere else for cheaper.

    BTW do you remember which letter corresponds with which turtle?

    • They were “only” 6.99 near me. So thirty bucks for the four of ‘em but I had birthday money burning a hole in my pocket. I only remember that letter A was Leonardo because that was the final one I was fishing for when I realized the letter revealed the Turtle.

  5. I finally whittled my toy collection down to just He-Man and a few “can’t live without’s.” Now I NEED that ooze and all the turtles. You’re bad for me, Pizza. Bad for my marriage.

  6. WANT. And yes, the new show is awesome.

    Is this technically the first time we’ve had an Ooze Container as a product? I know we’ve had ooze, but I don’t ever remember anyone releasing an ooze canister. If so, it’s about damn time.

    Also, I confess to buying two of the TMNT Trolls MIB on ebay a few months back, just ’cause.

  7. Man if only I had bought you the original ooze canister from the toy show then you could have conducted a longitudinal study comparing how disgusting they get with age. Like the Uncrustables experiment plus 20 years.

    • amazing. I’d have to fully document the old ooze’s properties and then sit on it for 25 years while I waited for the new ooze to age to comparison. I could win the Nobel Peace Prize in Important Ninja Turtle Science.

  8. That ooze is incredible. It’s…beautiful. I’ve been watching the show, but haven’t bought any of the toys…yet. I might have to get on that. Damn, toys are more expensive these days. Those figures are what, eight bucks a pop? Madness.

    Oh, and these poor kids today don’t get jack for Saturday morning cartoons these days. The days of spending an entire Saturday morning watching toy commercials thinly disguised as cartoons are long over. *sigh* I miss my youth.

  9. Pingback: Cool Stuff: TMNT Valentine Candy Card Kit | Top Hat Sasquatch

  10. I had a bunch of canisters of the original ooze as a kid, but like you, I was mostly in it for the little figures inside, so I would usually chuck the ooze itself after I got the toy out.
    One day though, we caught my dog getting into the trash and found out that he had eaten the ooze I had thrown out. (I kept the container to hold the figures in, so he had eaten just to goo)
    Luckily, a few hours later, the dog barfed it back up on our living room rug, but unluckily, I was the one who had to clean it up.

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