Halloween Countdown: Halloween Cotton Candy!

Halloween candy-makers, take note. This is how you do it. Vampire Hair and Werewolf Fur are two flavors of cotton candy packaged for Halloween. They could have stopped there, but they took it further by infusing it with Pop Rocks. Thank God “crackling cotton candy” is now a thing.

If you thought Pop Rocks and Coca-cola was a lethal mix, try throwing cotton candy into the equation. All they need to do is make a Red Bull flavor of this, and I’m pretty sure the stuff would be outlawed in fifty states.

Now let’s admire that packaging. There are six different fonts. I couldn’t have done a better job myself if I were eight-years-old and playing with the sign-making tool in The Print Shop for DOS. Boy I used make the hell out of some signs back in the day. Clip art was the bomb.

Next, throw in some neon colors and sparkly vomit spewing from the mouths of the vampire and werewolf. Great job, ummm, Bandai, the company that also brought us the Power Pad, Tamagotchis, and the Power Rangers. Bandai is my favorite ADHD company for sure.

If the Halloween Countdown has taught you nothing else, let it be this: Halloween is all about these random, weird things you find in the corners of stores. Seek and you shall find.

This looks like something adults shouldn’t eat. Then again, it also looks like fiberglass insulation, in which case it looks like something no human being of any age should eat. But I ate it. The jarring textures of the crackling Pop Rocks and fluffy cotton candy worked better than expected. The green apple flavor was your standard sour green flavor, and the wild berry was your standard nondescript “fruit” flavor.

It’s basically and literally like eating a little pouch filled with thirteen grams of sugar. The first three ingredients on the back list “sugar, corn syrup, and lactose.” So pretty much, “sugar, sugar, sugar.” Since the candy itself requires very little chewing, this is the next best thing to spooning the sugar directly down your throat. The effect is less-than-satisfying as an adult, but if I was eight-years-old, I would love this. No—I WOULD LOVE THIS. And then I would spin myself in circles in my office chair until I foamed at the mouth and spewed sparkle vomit.

If only I had my office chair when I was eight.

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8 responses to “Halloween Countdown: Halloween Cotton Candy!

  1. That sounds disgusting. I must have it.

  2. I saw this at Five Below but I’ll admit, I was afraid to buy it.

  3. Isn’t lactose milk? As in, some people are lactose intolerant? That aside, it’s still pure sugar and looks like pure delight :D

  4. I picked up the sour apple at Five Below a few weeks ago, and it had to be one of the worst things I’ve ever tasted. I got two bites in, before I threw it away.

  5. Maybe the lactose thing has something to do with it being a double sugar instead of a single (like glucose and fructose)? That is the extent of my food science knowledge. Time to call Alton Brown!

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