Halloween Countdown: Pooping Skeleton!

It’s tasteless. It’s WTF. It’s mine. All mine. I found this completely bizarre door cover at Five Below, which is quite possibly the greatest store ever, even if I’m always dropping way more than five dollars in there. But this only cost a dollar when other stores charge three to five bucks for crappy plastic sheet decorations. Five Below has the prices right.

Five Below always has a great seasonal spread, and every year they’ve consistently had some of the most unique and quirky Halloween stuff. This year was no disappointment. Exhibit A: the pooping skeleton door decoration.

Wait. What?

Originally I bought it to decorate the bathroom, which is kind of a strange thing in itself, but I recognize innovation when I see it. It’s 2012. Decorating your bathroom for Halloween is now a thing, and I’m not just talking about bringing out the cutesy jack-o-lantern soap dispenser.

Except the plastic sheet was too wide and didn’t fit on our bathroom door. I thought about cutting it down, but that’s way too much work. It was all static clingy and curling, and I’d never be able to cut it in a straight line. Hanging plastic sheets is supposed to be the lazy person’s version of decorating. Besides, the thought of being alone in the bathroom with this thing staring at me kind of creeped me out.

So I hung it on the sliding glass door in our dining room. That way the wife and I can enjoy the pooping skeleton while eating dinner and our neighbors can also enjoy it when they’re on their patio outside, which has a direct view. The pooping skeleton just gives and gives.

Taking a closer look, you’ll see the skeleton is reading a newspaper called the Hell Morning Post with a headline that says “Devil stands up for kids who read.” Even that headline is creepy, whatever it means. A clear artistic choice was made. Like, they didn’t just go with some sort of corny weather headline about it being hot. Instead it’s a somewhat ominous threat to kids. Who read.

Whoa.

Apparently the makers of this decoration specialize in tasteless, questionable decorations because they also made this gem, which has been circulating around the Internet on sites like FAILblog:

I have nothing to say about this except, once again, a clear artistic choice was made. It kind of makes me look back at my skeleton decoration and see it in a new, perverted light. The pooping skeleton just gives and gives some more.

Stay weird, Halloween. And see you on Monday!

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8 responses to “Halloween Countdown: Pooping Skeleton!

  1. What, it’s not tasteful to adorn your home with circle-jerking ghosts? Excuse me, I have to go re-think my entire Halloween decoration scheme now.

  2. That is a work of genius.

  3. Halloween isn’t complete without an ookie cookie.

  4. As much as I am in love with the door decoration, I’m stuck on the fact that the devil is attacking people who read. HA!
    They won’t be so condescending now.

  5. I might be alone on this one, but I don’t think Satan is attacking kids who read. It says he’s standing up for them. Which makes sense, in that literacy (and the printing press) were things the Church railed against as it diverted power away from the clergy. God doesn’t want you reading the Bible, ‘cuz then he’s paying all those priests for nothing. Not to mention “reading is power,” and what’s more powerful than the apple of knowledge?

    Thanks for everything Satan!

  6. If I had that Squeleton Door Cover I would place it on my room’s door all year long!!!

  7. I must raid my Five Below for a pooping skeleton decoration immediately!

  8. Wow… just wow.

    I was afraid of skeletons as a child. I wonder if this… thing… would have made me more or less afraid of them?

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